Did I Ever Tell You…


About that one time that the only reason that I’m still alive is because I looked at my cats and thought, “Who will take care of them after I’m gone? How long will it take before someone notices that I’m not around and decides to do a welfare check on me?”

Yes, the last time, in the not too distant past, when I seriously looked down the barrel of a shotgun once again, the only thing that really stopped me was looking at my cats and wondering what would happen to them if I killed myself. I stayed alive for them. Now I stay alive for me as well.

Let’s talk about friendship shall we? How does it tie in to me almost killing myself, but if not for my cats?

You’ll connect the dots with me as we go…

I have met a lot of really cool and interesting people over the last few years. The latest, as far as meeting in person, is Roman. Roman Opiate Tales. He used to be on Twitter before he had enough. He is/was the guy who did paintings of nude women. I was so impressed with his art that I bought a print of one of them, and I had him sign it for me when he and his wife came out to Salt Lake City a couple of weeks ago. I had an absolutely wonderful evening smoking a cigar, eating food, and showing him a little of the Salt Lake valley. It was a truly magnificent time.

It reminds me of when I met Matt FreeMatt last year during the pandemic. I remember having breakfast with him and then inviting him to my home where we talked philosophy and religion for several hours.

I remember when BullRush came to my house over New Years and about how he about shit himself with how cold it can get in Utah. I remember taking him to see my tattoo artist and he got some work done on himself. I remember shooting guns with him and smoking cigars, drinking a little bit, and the talks. The talks that went on for more than 24 hours straight.

I remember meeting Joe from ProudMasculine on Jon’s show, Dude Party. I haven’t met Joe in real life yet, but that is going to change in the future. Hopefully sooner than later. Joe is an honest to god, real person. A real man. He’s got his shit that he goes through, his challenges, just like we all do, and he’s not afraid to share that stuff with me. That’s what you do when you are real friends. You are there for each other. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it.

The longer I do this, the more I can see what it is that I’m ultimately looking for, and what I’m not looking for. I’m looking to make genuine friends.

Caio from the Failsafe and I talked the other day on the phone. He’s a beautiful soul with an incredible amount of talent. He’s also got his challenges that he’s dealing with just like we all do. Caio, if you end up reading this, remember what I told you. Now. Now is your time. You have opportunities ahead of you that I do not have and probably will never have. Embrace it. Go with it. And fuck anything and everything that moves. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me. Remember: “This one is for Rob!”

Talking with Nick August is like talking to a brother that I have never had. A southern one to boot. I look forward to the day that I can sit with him, smoking a cigar, and drinking a beer while he’s grilling something savory and is red meat on the grill. And we’ll probably laugh ourselves into tears over the nonsense that we have seen on social media.

And when the time comes that I meet Jack Napier in real life, I’m going to hug him. Yep, I said it. I’m going to fucking hug him. Because that’s what you do with your little brother who is way fucking taller than you. And then we are going to laugh, maybe even cry a little bit, and then we are going to drink and chase women. Because that is what you do with your little brother who is also your friend.

None of these guys felt the need to give me their “Origin Story.” None of them felt compelled to tell me about their “Red Pill Journey.” They just extended their hand in one way or another and offered me their friendship. Which is all I ever really wanted.

Maybe you want to help guys and make some money while you are doing it. That’s cool in my book, I hope that works out for you, I really do. But you don’t need to show me how “alpha” you are. I’m sure you can out fight me, you can out drive me, you can probably out shoot me, out lift me, and some of you can probably out fuck me and already have. Some of you can out earn me and probably have more money than I do too. That’s all good. I’m sure that many of you can out cook me and a great many can out drink me as well, but don’t underestimate me on that last one. Getting older has taught me a lot about drinking. I may surprise you and god help you if you pass out before I do.

While you may be able to quote Rollo chapter and verse, and you have watched every video that has ever been created by guys talking about the Red Pill, including some of my own videos, let me ask you this:

Can you just be my friend? Or is that asking for too much?

Can you just be you without all the “alpha” bravado? Or is that who you really are? I have met some pretty “alpha” men and none of them are the caricatures that are running around on the internet. At least not one single one of them that I can genuinely call my friends.

My friends can call me, any time of the day or night and I’ll talk them off of a ledge if I can. I’m not Captain Save a Bro and I don’t have a hero complex, so you deciding to kill yourself is ultimately on you. But I’ll do my best to talk you down if I can and if you reach out to me. My friends know that if they need a place to crash for a bit, they can crash with me at my house. You’ll have to put up with two cats as well, as this is their house too, but you are welcome here if you are my friend.

What I am not is your guru. I’m not your idol. I’m not your hero to worship. I’m not your sounding board. I’m not your therapist and I’m not going to bail you out of jail if you fuck up bad enough to end up there, that’s on you. I’m not your Red Pill Savior. And I’m not your business partner. Don’t ask me to borrow money because if I lend money to you, we aren’t friends until that debt is paid in full, probably with interest thrown in. My ways of collecting on delinquent money border on the mafia.

I’m not your customer. That doesn’t mean I won’t buy something that you created. I very well might. But let me come to that decision on my own, of my own free will. Don’t try to sell something to me. I know there is no such thing as a free lunch and the stuff that I got “for free” came at a much higher cost than if I had just bought whatever it was. If I like you and what you are doing, I’ll probably buy whatever it is that you are selling, because that’s what I do. I like to support my friends in their endeavors. But if I feel like I’m your customer or your business acquaintance, then that is all you’ll ever be to me. I will close the door of friendship to you, probably forever. Because I don’t have time for business acquaintance bullshit. But I have time for my friends.

My inner circle of friends is very small and very select. But I would go through fire for every one of those friends, because I know they would do the same for me. Some of them have. Getting into that inner circle can be a task. I have learned to be very discerning over the years because of past mistakes, and sometimes you only get one chance these days and if you are not paying attention, you won’t even realize that you blew it.

People say, “don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” I say, yeah you can. More often than not, that person is showing you who they really are. The question is, do you want them in your life or not?

What image are you projecting out into the world? What are you showing to me? Do you want to be the most alpha that alphaed or ever will alpha? Or do you want to be my friend?

Mecca “Boys”

This last Tuesday I had the honor and privilege to be on Asshole Consulting on Aaron Clarey’s channel. There was a young man who was paying Aaron to answer the question, “I’m thinking of moving to Salt Lake City, Utah, should I?” Aaron brought me on to help give this young man an informed answer since I have lived in Salt Lake City all of my life. Check out the video if you want my take on this guy’s question plus some other hilarity and nonsense. It was a good time.

The reason that I’m writing this post today is that I get the sense that this young man is living somewhere that he would rather not live in. Where he currently resides, I have no idea, but it’s clearly not Salt Lake City, Utah, which brings me to my point.

Guys, there’s no “Mecca” out there for you.

I have seen a lot of guys over the last few years talk about how bad it is in the United States what with feminism and progressiveness and whatnot, and that there is some magical land “out there somewhere” that will cure what ails them. Go to Poland! Go to the Eastern Bloc! Go to Thailand! Go to Mexico! Go to Australia! Go to the Middle East! Go to South America! Surely it must be better than what we have in the United States.

The truth is, whatever you are leaving behind in the United States, you’re also going to have to give up something else, possibly something more, in another country. Do you like clean, running water? That’s not always on the menu in another country. Do you like consistent electricity? That’s not always an option in other countries. Do you like stable internet service? That’s not always possible in other countries. Do you like owning firearms and as many as you can afford, no matter what type or style they are? That’s not possible in other countries. Are you ready to learn, or do you speak another language? Because you will have to if you decide to move to another country. Are you ready to go through that countries immigration program to become a citizen of that country? Be prepared to wait for years sometimes before you can become a citizen of that chosen country, if at all. Are you willing to renounce your citizenship to the United States? Because if you do, good luck coming back legally. And depending on which country you want to go reside in, you may always be considered an outsider.

Are you ready to leave everyone you know and love behind, possibly never to see them again? Are you? That’s always a possibility moving to another country.

A lot of what I just covered can also happen if you decide to stay in the United States but you decide to move to another state. Some are gun friendly, some are most decidedly not. Some have lower tax rates than others, some are higher. In some states the ratio of men to women are greatly in favor of the men, meaning there are more men than there are women. Are you ready for that? Some are child friendly, some are not. Some have community property laws and common law marriages, some don’t. Have you done your homework and looked into these two particular topics? Are you going to? It would be in your best interest if you did.

In some states the family courts are so skewed towards women that it is practically criminal. Live in, get married, and have a family at your own peril. Have you thought about these things? Have you done your due diligence? Have you looked into it?

Some have a dominant religion that could be totally alien and foreign to you. Are you ready for the culture shock? Are you willing to convert? Discrimination based on religion is alive and well, even in 2021. Ask me how I know. Are you willing to lose customers and possibly your business because you aren’t part of the predominant religion in the state you are thinking of moving to? Are you willing to have your children isolated and shunned because they aren’t “x?” These are real things that happen in real time, even today. I’ve witnessed it over 40 years of my life and it is still a thing. And there is nothing you can do about it except either convert, move, or accept that this is what will happen to you, your spouse, and your children if you decide to have any.

I have looked into moving out of the United States in the past and I keep running into one hurdle or another that is too big for me to overcome. The things I would have to give up are too great for me. I like my firearms. I like clean, running water. I like dependable internet and electricity. I like a better ratio of men to women. I don’t want to convert to some form of faith that I know little to nothing about. I don’t want to be religious at all because I don’t believe in religion.

“Dude! You should move out of the United States!”

But to where?

There’s nowhere for me to go that will afford me the things that I hold dearly. Nowhere. I’ve looked. So here I will stay, in the United States, for better or worse.

Do your research. Do it thoroughly. Do it carefully. Take your time.

And remember:

There’s no “Mecca” for you. There’s no “magic dirt” that will solve all of your problems or cure what ails you. You will simply be trading your current problems for new ones. The funny thing is, if your problem is feminism, it’s too late. It’s already here. Everywhere. Some countries are simply behind the curve is all. Give them five to ten years, maximum, and they will be on par with what is already present in the United States.

It’s not called a “Global Village” for nothing.

Chasing The Dragon

A couple of years ago, I stumbled across a blog called Black Dragon. That blog is now known as Caleb Jones. Caleb aka, Black Dragon is a guy who is trying to help other guys improve their lives, both physically, financially, and sexually. He “specializes” in being an older guy who picks up much younger women. In one of his blog posts, he talked about Change. I’ll be damned if I can’t find that article anymore, maybe he took it down at some point, but it really got me to thinking.

In that article about change, Black Dragon speculated that most guys, when it comes to their women, need some form of change. In many cases it can be just changing up sexual positions, role-playing, adding a wig or a different outfit to the mix, but they are still really good with the same woman.

But then there are other guys who need Change. Entirely different women. I think I tend to fall into this latter category. I’ve loved and lost over the years and I’ve been with some truly beautiful (at least in my eyes) women and they are fantastic in their own right. But I always catch myself wandering. Looking at other women. Wondering what it would be like to have sex with them. I’m sure most guys have “wandering eye syndrome” and have fantasized about having sex with someone entirely different from their current partner, but how many have actually taken steps to go from that fantasy to a reality?

When I first met my ex-wife, she knew that I was seeing other people. She referred to them as my “Strange Women.” She knew that I had no problem going out and picking women up in clubs or bars and taking them home. And it’s not a problem if you don’t step on your own dick and you don’t look like a complete schlub. Bars, not noisy, overly loud dance clubs, are great places to meet women who want and are looking to get laid. Many of my past successes when it came to one night stands came from bars and karaoke clubs. It was definitely a place where I was the right guy, in the right place, at the right time. Trust me, my game was nowhere near “tight.” But going to a bar, meeting a woman, talking with her, flirting with her, dancing with her if there is music going on, and then making out with her to some degree is possible in my world. Not only is it possible, it’s probable. Not only is it probable, it’s normal. Taking them home or somewhere else is normal and is part of the plan. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way I’m good.

When my marriage was starting to deteriorate, my now ex-wife asked me why I with her. I was honest. It was because at the time that I had met her, she was new. She wasn’t new anymore. Granted our marriage fell apart over much much more than just the fact that she wasn’t “new” anymore. The collapse was a lot more complex than just that. But it was a part of it.

It was also a part of my last serious long term relationship falling apart. My ex-girlfriend would have been a hard 8 on the scale for most guys, and she was definitely a hard 8 for me. And yet…. There were all these other women out there.

I’m not delusional in thinking that the “grass is greener on the other side of the fence.” It doesn’t stop me from wanting to go roll around in that grass anyways.

I was mentioning this to BullRush after the Let ‘Em Burn show that we had recently done and he said I was “Chasing the Dragon.” I like the sound of that phrase. It has a ring to it. I also looked it up online and found there is an actual definition to it. Chasing the Dragon is primarily about heroin users chasing a high. It’s drug users that are chasing that rush. He wasn’t wrong though.

That chemical cocktail that courses through our bodies, that we either call Lust or Love, is more potent than any drug on this planet as far as I’m concerned. More potent than heroin, opium, cocaine, or even meth. More potent than alcohol. I know I have said and done some completely stupid fucked up shit while being high from being either in Lust or Love. I know I can’t think straight when I’m caught up in it. I know that I know this and I keep chasing the dragon anyways.

While I do know and would agree with just about anyone who says that sex over time with the same person usually gets better and better, and it does, I also know that there is something about that very first time that you have sex with someone that is literally more of a stranger than not. It’s a rush. While I may not come as hard as I have with someone who has gotten to know my body over time, that first orgasm in some strange literally can’t be beat, at least for me.

Call it “the hunt” vs “the kill” or whatever you want, but to me, it’s Chasing the Dragon. And I don’t know if I’ll ever “get over it” or “beat it.” And honestly, I don’t know if I want to “get over it” or “beat it.”

I want to give credit to the guys who have been with the same woman for years and years. You’ve got something there that I have never had and probably never will have. In that sense, you are a “better” man than me. But I’m okay with who and what I am. Honestly, the concept of being with the same woman for the majority of my life is an alien and foreign concept to me. Much like people talking about siblings. I’ve never had a sibling or siblings, so to know what that is like is completely foreign to me. It’s simply beyond my grasp other than in a theoretical stance.

The longest I have ever had only one woman in my life was 7 years total, and that was my ex-wife. We were together for two years and married for five years after that. My last long term relationship was just barely over 4 years when it ended. Those are my two longest relationships that I have ever had since I started dating back when I was 16. Everything else was a handful of one night stands, a few “dirty weekends,” a couple of things that lasted anywhere from a month to about 8 months, with an average of maybe 3 months total. It’s usually around 3 months, if not sooner, that I start wanting to “Chase the Dragon” once again.

Oh Rob, you just haven’t “met the right woman yet.” Maybe. I highly doubt that though. Maybe it’s just me and who I am. Maybe I’m wired differently in that respect from the so-called “average guy.” Maybe it’s because I’m so fascinated with “strange.” Maybe it’s because I know, deep down, that unless we have something truly apocalyptic and bizarre that wipes the majority of the women off the face of the map, there’s always another woman. Because there is. There’s always another woman. My problem is there’s so many women that I want to meet, and yes, to fuck, and I don’t have enough energy or time left on this planet to do it.