Scorched Earth

ash blaze burn burning

Something I read yesterday really struck a chord with me. It talked about Scorched Earth. Now this one was related to war, but in the end of a marriage, in the end of a relationship, aren’t they not wars too?

Too many men are afraid of pissing off their women. Too many men are afraid of “losing half.”

If your wants and needs are second to her’s because society brainwashed you into thinking that is the way it is supposed to be, and you don’t get your needs met, what’s the point of sticking it out? What’s the point of continuing? Doing it “for the kids?” You’ll teach them that is what a healthy relationship looks like. Then they will go out and seek that same type of relationship, or they will create it if they can’t find it.

Staying together because of the kids is a bad idea.

If the relationship is ending, kill it. Let it end. Be done with it. Even if it means “losing half.” You have the ability as a man to go out and make or create more wealth, more money. You’ll be able to go out and have your needs met by someone willing and able to meet your needs. Trust me, they are out there. There are women out there right now ready and willing to meet your needs. Go and find them.

Stop worrying about “losing half.” The courts are stacked against you? You knew that already and you married her anyway.

If your going to get divorced and she is the one who filed and she is the one who wants out, go scorched earth. Burn it all. Worried that she is going to be “entitled” to half your wealth? Half of nothing is nothing. Spend every last cent you have. Spend it fighting her if you want. Spend it on wine, women, and song. Go have adventures. Do something with your money before she gets it. You’ll always be able to make more down the road.

She’ll be a single mother looking for a chump to finance her lifestyle. Remember, half of nothing is nothing.

We as men could fare better in life if we took the scorched earth policy to many things. I’ve found there is nothing so powerful as saying, “Fuck it, let’s see what happens.” Or “fuck it, let’s see what you got. Bring it on.”

Most men and women today don’t have the stomach or the balls to go scorched earth. You’ll find out what you are capable of and it can free you if you do. It did for me.

When I was first getting divorced, I played nice with my ex-wife. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I wanted that waiting period to go smoothly, quickly, and as painlessly as possible.

It didn’t go that way for some of it. All the time I was answering the phone, listening to her blame me for everything. All the time it was her sob story about “poor her,” and how I left her in poverty even though she was the one who chose to move across the country to start over.

It was not enough that I gave her money and a car and let her take whatever she wanted out of the house to go with her. She would call and cry and commiserate about how hard it was, and then she would hit me up for more money.

She would probably being doing that to this day if I had allowed it to carry on. But I didn’t. You see, one day, she did me a huge favor. Probably the biggest favor of all, now that I look back on it.

She called up one day and she was nice and civil at first. That’s how all the phone calls started. But then she mentioned the magic word…

Alimony.

She started saying that she had talked to some legal outfit about how she could be entitled to alimony even though we had both agreed in the divorce filing that no alimony would be claimed by either party. She never said that she was going for alimony, but she insinuated it. She hinted at it.

That was it for me. I told her if that was what she wanted, bring it on. I would spend every last cent that I had fighting her. And when that money ran out, I would beg, borrow, or steal whatever money I needed to continue that fight. Why? Because fuck her, that’s why.

That’s scorched earth.

I said I would do it and I meant it. It was the most liberating feeling I have ever experienced. Then I ended the call with her and contacted an attorney to find out what rights I had and what rights she had. I needed to know what to prepare for in case she actually wanted to follow through on her not so veiled threat.

Turns out that if she wanted to fight, she would ultimately have to come back to where I live to do it. Since the divorce was filed here and she was a resident here at the time, she would have to come back and have her day in court. All on her own dime.

That didn’t happen.

You really can’t lose when you have nothing to lose.

It’s not about, do better, or be better. Sometimes it’s about Fuck It. Let the shit fall where it may and let’s see what happens.

If she is the one holding the match, you can be the one holding the gasoline.

 

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Ever Forward

road sky clouds cloudy

Where do I go from here?

All of the things that used to get my blood up, get me going, even give me a bit of outrage, they are all pretty much gone now. They seem pointless.

I don’t say this from a nihilistic, depressed perspective. The shit just doesn’t really matter now.

Men are going to go the direction they are going. Same with women. We are going to do what we are going to do. Either our way or quality of life will continue, or it won’t. Either way we will adapt, we will survive for yet another day or more.

The planet will continue spinning around the sun like it always has. It’ll keep doing that until the day it doesn’t. Most if not all of us won’t be around to see that day when it comes.

So again, I ask the question to myself. Where do I go from here?

I’ve started going back to the gym. I’ve had fits and starts. Some weeks I’m steady going. Sometimes I slack off and don’t go for several days. I don’t have a great track record so far, but at least I am going. At least I’m doing. I don’t beat myself up too bad when I miss a day because I wasn’t feeling it. I just push a little bit harder the next day that I get there. And I get there. I imagine it’s a lot like going to AA or something. Every day is a new day. Every day is a chance to start over to a degree, to start anew.

I want to get back in on the “War on Feminism,” but I’m not feeling it. At least not right now. Maybe never again. I don’t know.

Women are going to do what they do because we as men give them a pass. We allow it. Hell, we condone it. In a lot of ways, we as men have created it. We created it by giving women the rights and privileges that we all enjoy. I don’t have a problem with that. We all should be able to enjoy a good life and be able to mostly do what we want to do.

We created it by giving women technology to make their lives easier. To give them more free time for leisure.

We created it by “liking” and “hearting” their stupid selfie posts and by becoming followers and orbiters of them. I don’t really know for the most part if we as men as a whole, can get away from it. We are biologically hardwired to want sex, so we chase after it in whatever fashion that we can and that we think will work to get us to the sex that we want.

All hail the Golden Pussy, forever and ever, amen.

It really sucks sometimes to be so driven by the sex drive. At least for me.

Where do I go from here?

The problem isn’t that there aren’t enough choices in life. There is an abundance of them. I see many many roads before me that I can take. Many paths to walk.

The problem right now is that none of them seem interesting or worth the time.

Oh well.

I’ve tried a couple new cigars. Ashton makes a fantastic cigar. I highly recommend it if you like cigars or are thinking of trying them out.

I now see what the big deal about smoking cigars is. I get it. I think. It’s not something I’m going to do on a daily basis, a good cigar isn’t cheap, nor is it probably too good for your health, but I’m going to enjoy them on occasion. The trick is, you have to take the time to enjoy them for what they are. Smoking a cigar takes time. You aren’t going to get through one in the time it takes to smoke a cigarette. Or a probably a pipe for that matter. I’m not positive on that one though, as I’ve never smoked a pipe, but I’ve been around friends and family members who are pipe smokers. Cigars seem to take longer, at least to me. And that’s a good thing. Gives a man time to think, to ponder. To exist. To just be.

More cigars and less outrage. Maybe that will be my new motto. Maybe that will be my new path, my new road to follow. At least for a time.

 

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Father’s and Son’s

sunset person love people

It’s Monday October 15th. It’s been a month since my Mother died. It’s really strange how time goes by. On one end, it feels like it was just yesterday that she died. On the other hand, it’s amazing how fast time has gone by. It’s been a whole month.

Most of this last month has been for the better. Most days are better than I thought they would be.

Part of that is that I’m getting to know my Dad. Not just on a Father and Son level, but from the perspective of one Man to another. I’m learning who he is as a Man, not just a Father.

It has been really good getting to know my Father the Man. It helps me understand myself better and maybe why I do some of the things that I do and have done. The apple truly doesn’t fall far from the tree.

I can see now where I get some of my behaviors and ways of being. I get it from him. A lot of the ways that I view and interact with the world have come from him. Now maybe you may be sitting wherever you are, reading this, and think, “Well duh Rob.” But understand this for a moment:

My parent’s got divorced when I was eight years old. I only saw my Father on the weekends in the beginning. That was maybe for a year. After that, I didn’t see much of my Father, and by the time I became a teenager, I only saw him occasionally when he came over to the house to work on one of his cars. Even then I didn’t see much of him as I was busy with school and friends. So we would see each other for a few moments at best.

We were distant and estranged as far as I was concerned. I have to admit, during my teens and into my twenties, I didn’t think much of my Father. I didn’t like how he handled things and I didn’t want to be like him. Saying something like, “You’re just like your Dad,” was fighting words to me back then. I wanted to be nothing like him.

I thought that my Mother got the raw deal in the divorce even though she was the one that wanted it.

I know better now. I heard my Mom’s side of the story many times growing up, and over the last few years, I’ve been getting my Dad’s side of it in bits and pieces. Now that my Mom is gone, I’ve been getting even more of my Dad’s side of things, and I have to admit, they make sense. They are the missing puzzle pieces that I didn’t know were there.

I’m glad for the time that I have with my Dad. It’s important to me. I’m glad that I’m getting to know him not only as a Father, but as a Man. He’s been honest with me when I ask him questions, he holds nothing back. He’s also answered every question that I’ve had so far.

I understand myself better now than at any other point in my life. I understand that many things I do and have done are “nurture.” They are the things I’ve learned from my friends, my society, and my culture. I’ve also noticed things that I would call “nature.” Maybe I’ve actually learned them without being aware of it, it’s totally possible. But I kind of doubt that. These are the things that have just sort of “come naturally.” Much of it I see and hear from my Father when I ask the questions that I’ve asked.

I highly recommend to all you Men in particular, and to everyone out there reading this, talk to your Dad if you are able to. Talk to him about being a Man. Don’t just ask him what it’s like being a Father, ask him about stuff that relates to being a Man.

Hopefully you have that option in your life still. If you do, if your Father is still alive and you are able to contact him, do it.

Talk to him and do stuff with him. I’m going over to his house later today and we are having steak. We’ll probably watch NHRA drag racing too.

Get to know your Father, not only as a Father, but as a Man. You may get answers to questions that you didn’t know you had. You may get some understanding into yourself that you didn’t know you wanted or that you needed.

 

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