There Is No Spoon

stainless steel spoon

Guys, I’m going to say something that might be considered anathema and controversial, but here goes.

There is no gender war. The only gender war that I’m seeing is on social media and in various media outlets. If all you do is consume what’s on the internet and on the television, of course there’s a gender war. When I go out at night, when I’m out and about doing my job, when I’m out grocery shopping or running errands, I don’t see a gender war anywhere around me.

I went out the other night to a couple different nightspots. I saw a handful of dudes and a bunch of women at one, and I saw about a 50-50 ratio of men to women at the other location. No gender war in sight. All I saw was a bunch of people having a good time dancing and drinking and mingling with one another. No toxic masculinity, no SJW’s on parade bitching about being oppressed. Just men and women enjoying their evenings with one another.

Does the gender war actually exist? I’m sure it does. At least in theory or on paper. It’s psychological warfare meant to divide and conquer. If you are getting sucked into it, guess what? You are the target at that point. Whoever is putting out this message is trying to divide you from other’s. Recognize it for what it is. It’s Wag The Dog writ large and in real time. Can you actually do something about it? Can you change it? Is it actually useful to you?

As Rian Stone put it, “Be Attractive, Don’t Be Unattractive.” How is getting fired up about a gender war attractive? Is getting fired up about “toxic masculinity” attractive? Is getting pissed off about some hit piece on some obscure website, written by some unattractive, outraged woman attractive, or unattractive? Is it useful to you? Besides the dopamine hit and being able to simmer in your own juices, does it do anything for you?

I’m all for a man or a woman being able to feed off their own emotions, god knows, I’ve done a lot of that over the years, but is it attractive or unattractive? Does it get you to do something useful for you? Or is it a form of masturbation and release? Are you becoming more attractive, or just jerking off?

I keep looking for the gender war around me and I keep missing it I guess. I’m not finding it. I see a lot of confused people trying to figure themselves and each other out and how they fit together in our world, but that’s been going on since I can remember. Not much has changed there.

I actually feel sorry for women today. Most of the garbage that is out there, claiming there is a gender war going on, was written by women for women. They are poisoning their own well, and then drinking it to boot. The women who stumble across it are stopping and having a big old drink of it and fucking themselves up even more than before. God help them. Oh well, I’ve said it before, and here it is again, they have to burn.

I think we as Men are too much in our heads most of the time. We overthink things and make them way more complicated than they need to be.

“This woman slid up to me and is grinding on me…What do I do? What do I say? I need to play it cool. I need to be calm and think straight. What if I put my arms around her and pull her in? What if she doesn’t like that? What if she doesn’t want that? Oh god, I don’t want her to think…Wait…She’s leaving! Dammit! I should have….”

Get out of your heads my Brothers. Get out of your heads and back into your bodies. Don’t think, just act. It’s a yes until it’s a no.

There’s no gender war. At least not in the streets that I occupy. Not in the space that I inhabit. Just men and women doing their thing.  I guess that none of them got the memo that there is a gender war going on. And man, those women? They are friendly as hell and looking for a little company, even if it’s only for a few moments.

Drop a few kind words. Crack a joke. Tease her just a little bit. Smile at her. That’s attractive. Or stay locked in your gender war, getting pissed off over imaginary boogeymen that you can’t do anything about anyways. The choice as always, is yours. You get to burn. Don’t worry though, I’ll be watching, eating popcorn, and laughing my ass off. And once you put that fire out, I’ll ask you just one question:

“How’s that working out for ya, bud?”

There is no spoon. There is no gender war. There is just being attractive or being unattractive. Choose.

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Roll With It

people in concert

Mr. Skelton Elton and I went out again on Saturday night. We hit a couple of different bar/clubs, had a few drinks, and had a great time.

One area that I’m really “rusty” in is my night game. I haven’t gone clubbing in years, and even going to the occasional bar in the past, I’ve always had women with me, or it was a night with the guys, and there were few to no women around. Getting back out there with Skelton is good for him and for me as well. If you want to pick up women, it’s better in my opinion, to be able to meet them in all sorts of environments. Sure, it’s best when you can find a niche of your own to fish in, it will get you the best results overall, but it’s good to be able to move in any environment.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is to be open to pretty much anything happening at any time. I’ve learned to just “roll with it.”

Just “rolling with it” is when you’re out on the dance floor, moving to the music, and a woman slides up next to you, and starts to dance. Slide in to her, put your arms around her, and pull her in. Go all in. It’s a yes until it’s a no, that’s one that Vincent mentioned to me when I first met him and it’s a good mentality to have. It’s a yes until it’s a no.

When I first met my ex-wife years ago, she knew a little about my past. I guess it preceded me. She called the women that I had met, my “strange women.” These were the women that I met at bars and clubs, and also on the street. These were the women that I took home rapidly. You can think and say what you want about these women, that they were “low hanging fruit,” or that they were “easy,” or whatever you want. Maybe they were, but I don’t think they were. They were just women. They were women doing what women do. They were out looking for an adventure, looking to have fun and have a good time, and I was the guy willing to give them that adventure and that good time. Nothing more, nothing less.

I had to be flexible and adaptable and open to whatever would show up though. Whether I would only mingle with those women for 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days, 5 weeks, 5 months or even 5 years, it didn’t matter to me. It was just living in that moment, being in the present, and being open to whatever without having a whole lot of expectations.

Guys,

It’s a yes until it’s a no.

Be open to whatever shows up.

Be open to the idea that whatever does show up for you, that it’s normal. And not only that it’s normal, but it’s basically “business as usual.” It happens all the time. It’s just another day in your amazing life.

When whatever shows up in your life is normal and business as usual, and it’s a yes until it’s a no, you lead from there. Taking her hand and leading her where you want to go, whether it’s on the dance floor, or it’s taking her back to your home, that’s normal and it’s business as usual. Just roll with it.

“Dirty dancing” with a woman and you don’t even know her name? That’s normal. Kissing her on the same dance floor after only dancing with her for a short time? That’s normal. Taking her somewhere else and ultimately ending up in bed with her that same night? That’s normal. It’s a yes until it’s a no. It’s business as usual. It’s no big deal. It’s just another day in your life. Just roll with it. Don’t overthink it. Just roll with it. All of it is normal. All of it is expected, it’s just who you are and what you do.

And if it goes to a no? That’s no big deal either. It happens. No need to overthink that one either. No need to beat yourself up. Just roll with that too. Make a mental note about it, and then move on. Next woman, next dance, next place. Same amazing life though. She decided that it’s a no for whatever reason? Roll with it. It’s a no from her, but there’s another woman right behind her that it’s a yes until it’s a no. Keep at it and keep rolling.

Whatever you believe is normal in your life is what you will see and what you will get. It’s what you will be open to. If you think women are strange, mystical unicorns that are unfathomable, and therefore unapproachable, that’s what you will see and what you will get. If you think that they are lusty, goofy, funny, insecure creatures that are just as confused and worried about themselves as you are about you, that’s what you will get. My question to you is: which one is more approachable? The mystical and the unknown one? Or the lusty, goofy, confused one? Which one do you think you would be able to relate to?

As a related aside, someone sent me a link which goes far more indepth as to what I’m speaking about here, and it gives some actual steps to getting through it and over it.

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Everyone Is A Critic…

active ash cloud ashes blaze

Everyone is a critic, and when you are doing your thing, being you, they will eventually come out of the shadows and strike. Usually when you least expect it. Little snide remarks in most cases. Sometimes a back-handed compliment. Once in a great while, they will give it straight to you, something along the lines of, “I don’t like you and what you are saying or doing, you suck.” It’s rare, but it does happen.

Honestly I have more respect for a critic, or naysayer, that comes straight at me and pulls no punches. It’s the weasley back-handed, passive-aggressive one’s that I can’t stand. The one’s that say shit to others, but don’t have the balls to say it to you. The one’s who “joke” with you while handing out their dose of venom. The one’s that when you confront them, they say, “I was just kidding, it was just a joke.” The one’s that could “do it better” than you are doing it.

For you guys that could “do it better than me,” instead of talking shit to other’s, why don’t you just shut your fucking mouths and do it then? Write your own goddamn blog posts and make your own videos. Do your own shows. If you don’t like it, don’t read it, don’t watch it, move on, and do your own?

I’d let you get to me, but I’ve got shit to do. While you are talking shit to other’s, I’m busy doing my thing. And honestly, I wouldn’t trade my life for yours. Keep on talking shit, it’s all you’re good at anyways. Keep consuming instead of producing. Keep on reading my shit and watching my videos, you’re just adding to my traffic count and my analytics. You’re actually not a “hater,” you’re a fan.

Critics will show up the more you do your thing and live your life, and they don’t matter. Critics don’t matter at all, except one:

The Inner Critic. The critic that resides deep inside each and every one of us. That’s the only one that matters, and it’s your job to listen to that critic, because every once in awhile, that critic actually offers some insight and some good advice. Most of the time though, your job is to either ignore that fucker, just like you would ignore the critics of the world, or it’s your job to shut that fucker up.

Prove that critic wrong. Show him that yes, you can. And you will. Push beyond the doubt and the fear and do it anyway. Do it out of spite if you have to. Do it, whatever it takes.

Here’s something I’ve realized while running my mouth, I’ve got way more guys who are thanking me for what I’m doing than dipshits who “could do it better.” Mostly I do what I do for myself, it’s me making mental notes and figuring my own shit out as I go, but I also do this for those of you that find it, to let you know you are not alone out there in the dark. I’m leaving “bread crumbs” in the forest. I’m holding a torch. I’m letting you know you aren’t crazy, it’s the world that is crazy, and you’ve known that for a long time. Welcome to sanity.

So for you that have found this and found me, I’m glad you’re here. Honestly you were never lost in the first place, you just had to burn for awhile. I get it, I’ve been there and done that too. And I’m positive I’ll be setting myself on fire again in short order, because that’s part of what I do.

Here’s what I would like you to do though, should you choose to accept it:

Boost the signal.

You were wandering around, setting yourself on fire with your head up your ass, and yet you started unfucking yourself by whatever means were necessary. Help the next guy out. I’m not saying embrace him while he’s burning, that’s not your job. You’re not here to save him. Just boost the signal. Start your own blog of your own journey of unfucking yourself. Talk about the stupid shit you have done to yourself. Start your own video channel. Boost the signal. Leave your own bread crumbs around for other’s to find. Light your own torch in the dark for other’s to see their way.

I don’t want to be too cliched, but “build it and they will come.” It’s what has been showing up in my life. Maybe you’ll say something that I haven’t heard before. Maybe you’ll say something in a different way than I do. Maybe you’ll say it better than I ever could. And all of that is necessary and needed.

To my Inner Critic, I’m listening and I’m summarily ignoring you in most cases, and in others, I’m choosing to do something just to spite you.

To all of my other critic’s, thank you for being my fans. You make me laugh and smile. When I hear from you, whether you come straight at me or you play sneaky bastard behind my back, I know I’m doing it right because I’m irritating you.

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