About that one time that the only reason that I’m still alive is because I looked at my cats and thought, “Who will take care of them after I’m gone? How long will it take before someone notices that I’m not around and decides to do a welfare check on me?”
Yes, the last time, in the not too distant past, when I seriously looked down the barrel of a shotgun once again, the only thing that really stopped me was looking at my cats and wondering what would happen to them if I killed myself. I stayed alive for them. Now I stay alive for me as well.
Let’s talk about friendship shall we? How does it tie in to me almost killing myself, but if not for my cats?
You’ll connect the dots with me as we go…
I have met a lot of really cool and interesting people over the last few years. The latest, as far as meeting in person, is Roman. Roman Opiate Tales. He used to be on Twitter before he had enough. He is/was the guy who did paintings of nude women. I was so impressed with his art that I bought a print of one of them, and I had him sign it for me when he and his wife came out to Salt Lake City a couple of weeks ago. I had an absolutely wonderful evening smoking a cigar, eating food, and showing him a little of the Salt Lake valley. It was a truly magnificent time.
It reminds me of when I met Matt FreeMatt last year during the pandemic. I remember having breakfast with him and then inviting him to my home where we talked philosophy and religion for several hours.
I remember when BullRush came to my house over New Years and about how he about shit himself with how cold it can get in Utah. I remember taking him to see my tattoo artist and he got some work done on himself. I remember shooting guns with him and smoking cigars, drinking a little bit, and the talks. The talks that went on for more than 24 hours straight.
I remember meeting Joe from ProudMasculine on Jon’s show, Dude Party. I haven’t met Joe in real life yet, but that is going to change in the future. Hopefully sooner than later. Joe is an honest to god, real person. A real man. He’s got his shit that he goes through, his challenges, just like we all do, and he’s not afraid to share that stuff with me. That’s what you do when you are real friends. You are there for each other. The good, the bad, the ugly, all of it.
The longer I do this, the more I can see what it is that I’m ultimately looking for, and what I’m not looking for. I’m looking to make genuine friends.
Caio from the Failsafe and I talked the other day on the phone. He’s a beautiful soul with an incredible amount of talent. He’s also got his challenges that he’s dealing with just like we all do. Caio, if you end up reading this, remember what I told you. Now. Now is your time. You have opportunities ahead of you that I do not have and probably will never have. Embrace it. Go with it. And fuck anything and everything that moves. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me. Remember: “This one is for Rob!”
Talking with Nick August is like talking to a brother that I have never had. A southern one to boot. I look forward to the day that I can sit with him, smoking a cigar, and drinking a beer while he’s grilling something savory and is red meat on the grill. And we’ll probably laugh ourselves into tears over the nonsense that we have seen on social media.
And when the time comes that I meet Jack Napier in real life, I’m going to hug him. Yep, I said it. I’m going to fucking hug him. Because that’s what you do with your little brother who is way fucking taller than you. And then we are going to laugh, maybe even cry a little bit, and then we are going to drink and chase women. Because that is what you do with your little brother who is also your friend.
None of these guys felt the need to give me their “Origin Story.” None of them felt compelled to tell me about their “Red Pill Journey.” They just extended their hand in one way or another and offered me their friendship. Which is all I ever really wanted.
Maybe you want to help guys and make some money while you are doing it. That’s cool in my book, I hope that works out for you, I really do. But you don’t need to show me how “alpha” you are. I’m sure you can out fight me, you can out drive me, you can probably out shoot me, out lift me, and some of you can probably out fuck me and already have. Some of you can out earn me and probably have more money than I do too. That’s all good. I’m sure that many of you can out cook me and a great many can out drink me as well, but don’t underestimate me on that last one. Getting older has taught me a lot about drinking. I may surprise you and god help you if you pass out before I do.
While you may be able to quote Rollo chapter and verse, and you have watched every video that has ever been created by guys talking about the Red Pill, including some of my own videos, let me ask you this:
Can you just be my friend? Or is that asking for too much?
Can you just be you without all the “alpha” bravado? Or is that who you really are? I have met some pretty “alpha” men and none of them are the caricatures that are running around on the internet. At least not one single one of them that I can genuinely call my friends.
My friends can call me, any time of the day or night and I’ll talk them off of a ledge if I can. I’m not Captain Save a Bro and I don’t have a hero complex, so you deciding to kill yourself is ultimately on you. But I’ll do my best to talk you down if I can and if you reach out to me. My friends know that if they need a place to crash for a bit, they can crash with me at my house. You’ll have to put up with two cats as well, as this is their house too, but you are welcome here if you are my friend.
What I am not is your guru. I’m not your idol. I’m not your hero to worship. I’m not your sounding board. I’m not your therapist and I’m not going to bail you out of jail if you fuck up bad enough to end up there, that’s on you. I’m not your Red Pill Savior. And I’m not your business partner. Don’t ask me to borrow money because if I lend money to you, we aren’t friends until that debt is paid in full, probably with interest thrown in. My ways of collecting on delinquent money border on the mafia.
I’m not your customer. That doesn’t mean I won’t buy something that you created. I very well might. But let me come to that decision on my own, of my own free will. Don’t try to sell something to me. I know there is no such thing as a free lunch and the stuff that I got “for free” came at a much higher cost than if I had just bought whatever it was. If I like you and what you are doing, I’ll probably buy whatever it is that you are selling, because that’s what I do. I like to support my friends in their endeavors. But if I feel like I’m your customer or your business acquaintance, then that is all you’ll ever be to me. I will close the door of friendship to you, probably forever. Because I don’t have time for business acquaintance bullshit. But I have time for my friends.
My inner circle of friends is very small and very select. But I would go through fire for every one of those friends, because I know they would do the same for me. Some of them have. Getting into that inner circle can be a task. I have learned to be very discerning over the years because of past mistakes, and sometimes you only get one chance these days and if you are not paying attention, you won’t even realize that you blew it.
People say, “don’t judge a book by it’s cover.” I say, yeah you can. More often than not, that person is showing you who they really are. The question is, do you want them in your life or not?
What image are you projecting out into the world? What are you showing to me? Do you want to be the most alpha that alphaed or ever will alpha? Or do you want to be my friend?