The “Lonely Old Man”

2020-01-27 (2)

Ain’t got no woman next to me
I just got this magazine
And what’s on the TV screen
But that’s okay with me – Mr. Bungle

I’ve been thinking about “The Lonely Old Man” myth, and it is a myth, for awhile now. Fear-mongers and dipshits (see above photo) will try and capitalize on men’s fear of being the “Lonely Old Man.”

Got news for you:

We all die alone.

That’s right. We all die alone. The days of dying in your bed, surrounded by your family and loved one’s are over and have been for some time.

My grandfather on my father’s side died in 1995 at the age of 85. He had a major stroke in his sleep and it put him in a coma. The doctor’s all figured he wouldn’t live for more than a day or two at the most, and that he would never come out of the coma. And yet he did. He lived for a few months and he came out of the coma. He was paralyzed on one complete side of his body. He couldn’t see or hear from his left side if I remember correctly. He also couldn’t speak. He could understand you though, and he was aware of what what going on around him.

He lived on and was moved from ICU to a standard room and then was eventually moved to a rehabilitation facility with a high prognosis of being released to live out the rest of his days in his home. My grandmother was 77 at the time and struggled to take care of herself, let alone a man who would never walk again, would live the rest of his days in mute silence for the most part, and would need help with everything. She was terrified of the prospect of having to become a full time caregiver to her husband. She was willing to do it, mind you, but she was terrified nonetheless.

As fate would have it, that scenario never came to pass. My grandfather died in his sleep one night at the rehabilitation facility from complications from pneumonia. He died at the age of 85, and he died alone. No one from friends or family was by his side when he died.

My grandmother died at the age of 98 in 2015. She too died in her sleep and alone in a rest home. No one from family was there at the time that she died.

My grandfather on my mother’s side died in 2004 from complications from a surgery that he had just had. He too died alone in a hospital bed with no one from friends or family surrounding him.

My mother died on September 17, 2018. She too died in a hospital bed, in her sleep. She had a couple of close friends there to witness her passing, but my father and I were not there. She died from complications from chemotherapy from ovarian cancer.

We no longer care for our elderly in our own homes for the most part. Taking care of someone in their final days can be taxing to say the least. Most people do not have the skills or the knowledge to do this task anymore. Long gone are those days, and long gone are the days where you buried your dead in your own backyard.

When my ex-girlfriend decided to end our relationship at the beginning of September of 2018, I was devastated. Not going to lie. For several months afterwards, sleeping alone was tough. In fact, I would say that was one of the hardest things to get used to. Sleeping alone. In my own bed.

But I got used to it. It took some time, but I got there. Now I revel sleeping alone in my own bed. All of it is mine. I can sprawl out in any direction I desire, and I don’t have to worry about disturbing anyone with my movements or on the occasion that I get up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom or get a drink of water.

I still have the occasional “sleepover” once in awhile. Several women have shared my bed and shared the night with me and woke up in the morning with me since my breakup. I still enjoy sleeping alone more though.

My Dad sleeps alone these days as well. If history repeats itself to one degree or another, he’ll most likely die in his sleep and he’ll die alone too. Both he and I are good with that. It is what it is. He struggled initially with sleeping alone after my mother died, much like I did when my ex-girlfriend moved out. He too got over it in time. He enjoys sleeping alone in his bed as well. Nothing and no one to disturb him or vice versa. His girlfriend has her own home and her own bed to sleep in, and that’s the way they both like it.

I’ve met plenty of people over the years that live alone. Many of them choose to not re-enter the dating world. My ex-mother-in-law is a case in point. Her husband died back in 1999, way before I had ever met my now ex-wife, and chose not to get involved with men ever since. As far as I know, she’s still single and still not looking or interested in meeting another man. I imagine she still is enjoying her life, just like she was when I knew her.

I know a few things for myself at this point in my life:

I’ll most likely never remarry again. There’s no point in doing it. The risks and liabilities outweigh the pros and the rewards. Now that doesn’t mean that I won’t have relationships with women, it just means that I don’t think I’ll ever remarry.

Another thing I’ve thought about a lot over the last year is that I’ll probably never have another live-in relationship again. I’ve “played house” twice now, and I’ve received similar outcomes, which means that the common denominator is me. I don’t think I’m cut out for the whole “domesticated” thing. I enjoy my freedom too much to make those sorts of compromises and sacrifices again.

One of my girls and I had that talk the other night. She’s definitely in no hurry to live full time with another man. She raised her kids and she took care of her husband until their relationship ended. She did that for more than twenty years. Now she’s more interested in taking care of herself and doing what she wants. I can’t argue with that. The last thing I want is a woman who tries to “mother” me. I had a mother, thank you, and she was more than enough. I don’t need or want another one.

So the “Lonely Old Man” myth is just that. A myth. I’ve met far too many people who enjoy their lives without someone there to “take care of them.” More often than not, in today’s society, you will end up in a nursing facility, a hospital, or some other “end of life” facility when that time comes.

Your spouse and your children aren’t obligated to take care of you at the end of your life, and they may not have the time, the skills, or the ability to do so when that time comes. Be aware of this, but don’t necessarily be worried about it. Accept it for what it is and enjoy your life.

If anything, the doom-sayers and fear-mongers that preach the “Lonely Old Man” shit are projecting and nothing more. They are the one’s that are afraid of what will happen to them at the end of their lives. They are the one’s who can’t sleep at night, wondering who will be there to take care of them.

I’m not worried about it. I’ve got plans to live my life to it’s fullest.

I may be alone later in life, and even for periods of time right now, at the time of this writing, but I’m not lonely. I haven’t been lonely in a long time.

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“Half.”

blue toy car

Half.

That’s what my workforce has been reduced to since the beginning of our ordeal with the virus. Half. I don’t know if my work can reduce the workforce any more than they already have. If customers keep closing their doors to keep out the virus, there won’t be enough work to warrant keeping our doors open at some point. And there we are.

In other news, I’ve been working on a video for a couple of weeks now that I fully intend to finish and release, but with the latest turn of events with the earthquake and the virus, the video doesn’t seem to be very relevant right now. So I’m shelving it for the time being and I’m going to focus on other topics and other things. In a lot of ways, the video would not only seem to be irrelevant, but it almost smacks of cyber-bullying at this point. Kicking a person while they are down, while they might have it coming,  and would feel immensely gratifying, it would not be very challenging or very “honorable.” It would feel like, “Oh, that girl wanted to fight you, and so you did. And you won. Cool bro, but you beat up a girl.” She wanted it and she got it, but you beat up a girl. I hope that makes sense.

I find it interesting that some guys are talking about “women coming out of the woodwork on online dating apps” now that the plague is here. Maybe they are, maybe they aren’t, honestly I don’t know, I’m still not on dating apps and have no plans on getting back on them any time soon. Right now “dating” and even sex for the most part, has taken a back seat in my life. I’ve got bigger fish to fry at the moment.

My thoughts about the women showing up, if they are though? Good for the guys if they are. Keep in mind that we are just starting our ordeal with the virus. Women may be getting bored, but most likely they are frightened more than anything. Two or three weeks into a quarantine isn’t going to change their views or their natures. If anything, I think they are looking for reassurance right now. I think they are looking for someone to tell them that “everything will be okay.” Ladies, everything will be okay. There you go. We need to go a lot longer or have something even bigger and badder happen to really see honest change happen.

If the plague ended tomorrow and “Big Daddy Government” gave us the green light to go back to work and resume our everyday lives, women would go back to what they have been doing and what they have been taught to do over the last 50 years or so. Let’s not kid ourselves. I’m not saying don’t meet women for fun and sex, by all means, if that’s what you want, knock yourself out. But keep in mind if you are interacting with women during this time that they are adapting to their current environment at the moment, as well they should, but don’t delude yourselves into thinking that they’ve made any significant changes in their lives right now. Nature is still what it is.

It either takes a significant period of time to effect true and long lasting change, or it takes something that borders on the catastrophic to get there quickly. Working from home, not being able to go to the gym or to the bar, and runs on toilet paper isn’t it. Even losing a job, while that can be stressful, isn’t going to be that catalyst to effect a long term change. People talk about, “we are in hard times.” We haven’t even begun to experience hard times yet.

When the power becomes truly intermittent or goes out entirely, with no idea of when it comes back on, or if it does, that’s hard times. When the water stops running and the garbage piles up in the streets and the sanitation department is a distant memory, then we will be experiencing hard times. When you don’t know when you will eat next, or if you will eat again, that’s hard times. Not being able to sit down at your favorite fast food restaurant with your friends, and you can only pick up your food at the drive-up, that isn’t hard times.

When the semi-trucks stop delivering groceries to your supermarket and no one knows if or when they will deliver next, that’s hard times. We’re not there yet.

You’ve got internet, electricity, running clean water, guys picking up your trash, a working cellphone, working heat and air conditioning, and meals still readily available? Yeah, you haven’t hit hard times yet. Women are no different. You think they’ve “changed?”

Yeah, we aren’t there yet.

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Week Two Of The “Quarantine.”

red and white signage

Week two of the quarantine is fully underway for my area. More businesses have shuttered their doors to ride out the virus. Less work to be done, which means the less demand for employees.

On a bright note, traffic and parking are still a dream. Even “rush hour” doesn’t have as heavy of traffic as it usually does. Getting home from work isn’t quite the chore that it was two weeks ago.

Part of me hopes that when this is all over, when the bug has come and gone, or we get immunity to it one way or another, that we will have changed. Changed in the sense that maybe society will wake up and realize that many jobs can be done from home and that the employees press that issue with their employer, thereby minimizing traffic and parking. Maybe the same could be said for schools as well. Maybe we don’t need so many buildings if the kids can all be homeschooled, or taught remotely.

But if things keep going the way they are going, I highly doubt it. Leaders from local up to the federal level have been talking about implementing martial law. Martial law shouldn’t even be an option. There shouldn’t even be a conversation about it, especially right now, at the beginning.

Yet here we are, leaders are throwing it around and the worst part is that there is a significant portion of the population that are not only embracing the idea of martial law, they are practically begging for it.

You realize that if martial law is implemented, you lose all of your civil liberties right? Do you really think that the powers that be, if given absolute power, would willingly give it back when it is no longer necessary? Hint: They won’t. They will always find a reason or a situation to keep it going. Even if that reason is, “Fuck you, I’m not giving it back.”

I’ve always been skeptical and even quite a bit cynical about society as a whole, but I’ve always wanted and tried to remain optimistic about it. These last two weeks have really opened my eyes. It’s only two weeks in, the “hard times” haven’t even begun yet. We’re not even into the first “inning.” This is only the “warm up,” a preview.

If we have people begging for martial law now, and we haven’t even begun to face hard times yet, what’s it going to be like in another two weeks or a month or more?

Socialism isn’t winning, it has won. So let’s not sugarcoat it and call it the fluffy word of  socialism. Let’s call it what it really is. It’s communism. That’s where we are going. And if we had had a democrat for a president, we would already be there by now.

We get what we deserve. As a society at large, it’s what we want apparently. So let’s bring on martial law so that “Big Daddy Government” can save us all from a bug and from ourselves. As a society we are proving that we can’t cut it without “adult supervision,” without our fucking hands being held.

There’s never been a time in my life until now that I truly despised society as a whole and I truly want to see it all burn. But here we are.

If we end up with martial law, we truly get what we deserve.

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