You Dodged A Bullet

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It’s been a little over a month since my ex-girlfriend moved out. I’ll be completely honest, I miss her terribly sometimes. I miss what we could have had, and what we did have. I miss her company. I miss seeing her smiling face and hearing her laugh. I miss her body. I miss having her lying next to me in bed at night and waking up to see her in the morning.

Maybe I have a small touch of Oneitis. I wouldn’t doubt that. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any delusions that she was ever my “soulmate.” I don’t have the scarcity mentality that “I’ll never love again.” But every once in a while, damn, I sure do miss her.

She was the youngest, most fit, and most attractive woman that I’ve had so far in my life. She put the past women to shame. There will be other women, I know this. But at this moment that I’m typing this, it doesn’t seem like it. It doesn’t seem like there will be another “younger, hotter, tighter.” There will be, I know it. It just doesn’t seem like that right now. I’ll get there though.

Here’s something I did think about though:

Maybe I dodged a bullet. You see, my ex-gf snowballed me when we broke up. I really had no idea that it was coming. Maybe us breaking up was a good thing.

A couple of months before we broke up, we had talked about a future where there would have been marriage and most likely some children. I’m old enough at this point that I was good with the idea that I would never be a father, but then we talked about it, seriously. I realized that not only was the idea okay, it actually appealed to me. I got excited about the idea of being a father. I got excited about the idea of raising children and being called “Dad.”

Now that’s not going to happen. At least not with her anyways. Perhaps it won’t happen at all. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Maybe I dodged a bullet because we could have gotten married and had children and she could have snowballed me then, and either left me raising children by myself, or even worse, she could have gotten custody of my children and then I’m left doing what a lot of Men are doing these days: Working themselves into an early grave to provide for their children that they don’t get to see as often as they would like to. Having another man raising and/or influencing their children in ways that may not be how he, as the father, would want his children raised. Paying alimony.

I could sit here and lament the relationship that ended. I could lament how it didn’t work out the way that I had hoped it would. I could pine over her. I could torture myself in a thousand different ways by playing the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” game. I could go over all of this for the millionth time in my head and try to wrap myself around it. And still come up short on answers that satisfy me.

Or I could look at it as I dodged a bullet. Better now that all of the things that happened, happened. Better now that they happened rather than 5 years down the road. Better they happened before we ever talked about setting a wedding date and started actually having children.

If you are a Man and you’re reading this right now, and you’re dealing with a divorce, a break up, a loss of a relationship, maybe you too, dodged a bullet.


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You Don’t Really Know Her, And You Never Will.

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Here’s another truth that I’ve had to swallow that has been a bitter pill:

You can be with someone for a long time, months, years, even decades, and you will never really know them.

You will think that you know them, and I’m sure that is part of the idealism that lives inside of Men. You think you know your wife, your girlfriend, your significant other, whatever title, name or term of affection that you want to give her or call her.

But you will never really know her. Not truly.

Swallow that pill. Choke it down.

You will never really know her.

In all fairness, she will probably never really know you either. But if you are like most Men out there, you will take many opportunities to show her who you are, to invite her into your world and to get to know you better. To know who you really are.

Do not expect the same courtesy in return. She will always hold something back. I’m not saying this from a place of anger or bitterness, I’m just speaking from my own personal experience.

After every relationship I’ve had that has ended, I end up seeing more of who that woman really was.

Sometimes it’s not pretty. Sometimes it’s okay. Either way it is what it is.

I wrote a while back about a bitter red pill that I had to swallow. Check it out if you haven’t already. It’s a good place to start. This one would be the next one that I have encountered that has been really hard to get down my throat.

I don’t blame the women that have been in my life and are now gone for this lack of knowing them. It’s not their fault for the most part. It’s mine.

Goddamn, unplugging is a bitch. You go along, thinking you’ve unplugged and then something hits you. Sometimes it even blind sides you. That’s where you realize that you haven’t unplugged as much as you thought you had. That’s when you realize you are still a long way off and that you still have a lot of work to do.

Rollo Tomassi wrote about this to a degree a few years ago in an article that he called, “Kill The Beta.” I imagine to some degree this was what he was talking about.

I don’t know why this one is bothering me so bad right now, except that it shatters an illusion that I once had and cherished. That illusion was that I knew the woman I was with, that I really knew her.

Knowing now that I didn’t really know her, it’s sad to me. It’s sad because now I know more about her and what she is actually capable of. Which means that she is truly capable of anything.

In the past if you asked me if she was capable of “X,” I would have told you no way, not in a million years.

Now if you asked me if she was or is capable of “X,” I would have to say that “X” is totally possible. She could do it. Doesn’t mean she would, but she could.

That opens up a whole world of uncertainty for me. That uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. If she is capable of say, lying, cheating, deceiving, stealing, and even taking a life, it means that I don’t really know her and I cannot trust her.

I take that back. I can trust her to be her. Someone who is capable of anything. Even theft and murder.

The question that keeps haunting me is this:

Knowing that a woman is truly capable of anything and could turn on you for no reason at all, how do you trust them? How can you live with them? How can you spend time, any significant amount of time with them?

I don’t want to go through the rest of my life not being able to trust a woman. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life realizing that a woman is truly capable of anything and everything.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and sleeping with one eye open, wondering when, not if, she’s going to go feral on me and pull whatever shit she’s going to pull.

How do you overcome that? Or do you?

Is it simply throwing your hands up in the air and giving up? Is it submitting to the fact that All Women Are Like That? How can you be with someone that you can’t trust? Or that you can trust that she will do what she’s going to do and that she will go feral at some point and betray your trust, betray you?

I can already hear some women that might read this saying, “Not all women are like that!” To which I would answer them, “Prove it. Your words don’t count for shit with me. You’re going to have to show me that I can trust you, your words don’t count.”

I understand why some Men decide to go MGTOW now. It makes more sense. Sometimes it seems to me that it would be a much easier life not dealing with women. If I want female companionship I can always hire a professional and be done with it. At least with her, I know what I’m paying for and what I’m getting. I can see why some guys do this.

Maybe I’m just zeroed out emotionally at this point when it comes to the idea of dating and dealing with women. Right now I don’t feel like it’s worth the hassle to get to know someone only to know that I’ll never really know them and that I can only trust them about as far as I can throw them. It sucks knowing that the only thing I know for certain is that I can trust her to be her and that means that I can trust that she is capable of anything at any time. I can trust that she can go feral at any point for any reason or no reason whatsoever.

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Your Voice

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Use Your Voice.

I wrote briefly about talking with a few of my fellow Men in my last post, and I intend to do that again. I’m forging bonds that hopefully will go the rest of my life. It’s good for Men to connect with like-minded Men.

While I was talking with these Men, we were “swapping notes,” so to speak. We were sharing stories and experiences. In this day and age of “Fempowerment,” “You go Girl!” and “Believe Her,” I think it is so important that Men speak up and speak out.

I believe that Men need to have their voices heard. For far too long we Men have been sitting back, biting our tongues, just “going along to get along.” We need to use our voices in opposition to the lies that are being spread to our fellow Men. Our brothers, our nephews, our sons, and our fathers.

We need to use our voices and our presences to let other Men know that they are not alone in the Dark. We are out here. We are broadcasting a signal for those who are seeking truths instead of the bullshit that is being propagated by the mainstream media.

We need to let other Men know that they aren’t crazy and delusional. We have some same shared experiences that we have witnessed with our own eyes.

I encouraged those men that I talked to to use their voices if they haven’t already. I encouraged them to speak their truths and their experiences. I encouraged them to add to the signal that is already being broadcast, to add to it and strengthen it. To add more beacons of light into that great sea of darkness.

I encourage you, the Man that is reading my words right now to do the same.

Start a blog.

Start a YouTube channel.

Get on Twitter and start speaking your experiences.

Create a podcast and bring on other like-minded Men and have a “roundtable” about your experiences. Compare your notes with one another. Speak your truths.

Push back against the lies you’ve been brainwashed to believe since you were a little boy. Let others know that it’s okay to be a masculine Man. Let them know that feminism is a lie.

Start making your voice heard. Scream into the Void. Sooner or later, and from my experience, sooner rather than later, someone will find you, they will tune into your frequency, your signal, and a connection will be made.

We are throwing lifelines out into the Dark. Someone is bound to grab on and pull themselves in.

Get in touch with me. Let’s make something happen. Let’s throw out a lifeline or two. Maybe we will save a life.

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