Asceticism

2020-09-05 (2)

The definition of asceticism according to Webster:

Definition of asceticism

1the practice of strict self-denial as a measure of personal and especially spiritual discipline the condition, practice, or mode of life of an ascetic rigorous abstention from self-indulgence
//Sacrifice, renunciation, asceticism, fasting, returning again to God … : these are inclinations fueled as much by instinct as by religious idealism.— Joyce Carol Oates

 

A lot of guys are making the argument for asceticism recently. Whether it be “abstaining” from sex and/or masturbation, abstaining from alcohol and/or drugs, abstaining from different types of foods, or a myriad of other off-the-wall ideas, the concept of not doing is becoming popular again.

I’m not going to take issue with anyone if you are choosing to not drink or drug. Maybe you’ve gone that route and found out how easy it was for you to get hooked on a substance or two. Maybe the substance became too much for you and it became self-destructive, I don’t know.

Trying to toot your own horn and making it a lifestyle is a bit much to me though. “Look at me! I’m not having sex! I’m not drinking! I’m not eating (insert whatever it is here.) To me it looks like a participation trophy. “I get an award for not beating off.”

You want to not jerk off? That’s fine by me, go and not jerk off. You don’t need to announce it to the world. Whoopity-do.

The problem for me, besides the whole participation trophy thing, is the fact that almost inevitably, the religious card shows up in the program.

“I don’t jerk off anymore and I can show you how you too can give up touching your penis. Here’s my course and my book, sign up now! Oh, and did you know about our Lord and Savior (insert religious figure here)?”

I find asceticism to be absurd honestly. Life is short and there is so much to see, to do, and to experience, and you’ll never get to or through it all by the time you die. I can’t understand why you would willingly choose to abstain from all of what life has to offer.

Before someone brings it up in the comments, yes, I’m aware that not all people who abstain are doing it out of choice. Some people aren’t doing this voluntarily (incel). You know what though? If you put in the work, it won’t be involuntary anymore.

I think that choosing asceticism is coming from a lack of experience with life, but that’s just my take.

Throughout my life I’ve learned a lot of things about myself and about women in particular. Here are some of the things, both good and bad that I have learned:

Women are okay with one-night stands, sometimes it’s all they want.

Women are open about their sexuality as long as you don’t judge them for it.

Women don’t care about your “notch count” nearly as much as you care about theirs.

Women in general want a man with experience, they don’t want to train you. You either get it, or you don’t. Guys who don’t get it don’t get another shot.

Younger women like older men. This one may seem like a “duh” thing, but it was one that I had to experience first-hand to truly comprehend it and appreciate it. Guys have been so thoroughly conditioned and brain-washed to believe that you should stick to your own age group that the thought of being with someone who is much younger than you isn’t even a consideration.

I’ve learned that love doesn’t pay the bills. I’ve been with a couple of women that thought that loving me and having sex with me was enough. It’s not. What else are you bringing to the table besides sex and love? Can you contribute something more tangible or not?

Women will usually go along with whatever you want to do. Keep or make it fun and entertaining and the sky is the limit. This is one that I’m still learning about. I have yet to find something where the women in my life have had a hard “no” to, unless it is maybe something that is completely criminal. Even then… I’m still pushing that boundary to see where that one ends.

I’ve learned that being the “side guy” is oftentimes better than being the “main guy.” Love it or hate it, I’ve been the side guy who enjoyed the benefits of that relationship without the bullshit that the main guy gets to deal with. I’ve also learned that women can be incredibly brutal towards their main guy. The things I’ve heard women say about their main guy is sometimes astonishing.

You can date a woman, be totally honest with her about the relationship not working out for you, end that relationship, and still be friends with benefits for years afterwards. If and when that particular set up no longer works for her, she will end it, usually without a lot of drama or fanfare.

She usually wants sex harder and rougher than you could imagine. Don’t worry, you won’t “break” her. She’s tougher and more resilient than you know. If you get too rough somehow, she’ll let you know.

The more experience you get, the more you realize that “all women are really like that.” That’s not a negative or a bad thing, it just is. It has actually given me a better understanding of myself and what I like and want, and it has given me a better understanding of the women that show up in my life, and the things that they want and desire. It’s definitely made it easier to communicate those things as well.

For me, choosing or following a path of asceticism or abstinence is following a path of either naivety or willful ignorance. Life is far too beautiful, too lush, too brilliant, and too robust to choose not to know.

To me, asceticism is choosing to suffer. We all suffer to one degree or another. Life is like that, it’s just that way. To choose suffering over pleasure is the ultimate form of masochism to me and I honestly have a hard time wrapping my head around that one, because here’s a “truth” for you:

No one gives a shit about your struggles except you. No one cares about your suffering except you.

So why struggle and suffer unnecessarily and for no reason other than to say that you struggle and suffer? Nobody gives a shit, and you won’t be a martyr for it. You’ll be forgotten an hour after your funeral because life goes on. Might as well enjoy your life and experience as much of it as possible.

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