Let’s talk about marriage…
Before I get into the “meat of the matter,” let me start off with a couple of things:
I’m not against marriage as a whole.
I have been married and I was the one who initiated the divorce when it was time for that to happen.
My ex-wife did not take me to the cleaners in the divorce. If anything, I came out of it in a pretty good position. I wasn’t set back financially for decades because of the divorce.
We did not have children.
Now that I’ve put those things out there, let us continue…
I’ve seen a lot of guys, especially young guys, on Twitter in the recent past talking about wanting to get married. All I can think when I see their talks, yearnings, and longings, is:
Why? Why would you WANT to get married?
Why would you want to get married in today’s day and age? Do you not understand that when you get a state sanctioned license to get married, you are not only married to the person that you wanted to get married to, but you are also now married to the State? Ask me how I know.
You may be the “bread winner.” You may be the “head of the household.” You may be the “man in charge.” You may be the “patriarch.” You may be whatever you think you are, until you are not.
In today’s world of no-fault divorce, either party can end the marriage for any reason, or for no reason whatsoever. When that happens, you are done. I don’t care that you think you are the bread winner, the man, the patriarch, or whatever you think you are. You are none of those things if and when she decides to end the marriage.
Enter the State.
The true Patriarch of the household in the West is also the One True God, and that is the State. We as a society have deemed this so. Which also means that the State is the one that we have allowed to use force to enforce agreements, contracts, and disputes. You either file or she files for divorce, the State now gets involved. Especially if you have children. Even if you don’t get married, but you have children together, and one or both of you decide to split up, the State gets involved on behalf of your children.
Any religion that is a part of the West bends the knee to the State. If a particular denomination of a particular flavor of faith tries to intervene in a legal proceeding, which a divorce is, that church, ward, denomination, etc. can lose their tax exempt status because it was the State that granted them that status to begin with. The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. No religion, at least in the West, is going to jeapordize that. So religion isn’t going to “save your marriage.”
Many years ago, there was a stigma for having children out of wedlock. The children were referred to as “bastards.” That stigma is all but gone in today’s modern world. Marriage used to mean that a man had some type of authority, at least in his own home. Today men have no authority, only responsibility. Again, I ask:
Why would you want to get married?
If women are the gatekeepers to sex and men are the gatekeepers to commitment, why do you (I’m assuming that you are a man reading this) want to rush into commitment and potentially ruin yourselves financially, emotionally, mentally, etc. when you can have everything that a marriage offers, without having to actually get married? Why do you want to give up the only real authority and agency that you have?
You want to live together? You can do that without getting married. You want to offer insurance and other types of benefits to her? You can do that now without getting married. You want to have children? You can do that without getting married. The only thing that you can’t have without a marriage is a divorce.
The only “positive” that I can think of that you can only get from being married is certain tax breaks. Even those don’t add up to a lot. Not in the long run at least.
When I got married, the marriage license cost me $50.00 We had a simple ceremony in my house where we only invited close family and friends. I don’t remember what I paid for the justice of the peace to come out and preside over the ceremony, but it wasn’t more than a hundred bucks at the most.
When I filed for divorce, that filing alone cost me almost $400.00 Getting married is cheap and easy, getting divorce takes time and is expensive.
Like I said at the very beginning of this article, I’m not against the institution of marriage itself, but I am against it in its current incarnation.
You want to “make marriage great again?” You need to start at the State level and with the laws. If men are expected to be the providers of food, a house, safety, and security, what are the women supposed to bring to the table? Let’s make whatever that is legally enforceable.
I was 37 years old when I got married. I have no regrets about my marriage and I certainly have no regrets about my divorce. I was also in no hurry to get married. Young men, especially one’s in their twenties need to slow down and take your time to figure out who you are and what you want out of life before considering getting married, especially in today’s day and age. The risks are too high in many cases and the cost usually isn’t worth the price that you could end up paying.
You want to have an LTR? Fine, do that. You want to live together? Okay, maybe not your best option, but go for it. But get married? I would have to say don’t do it. Not unless you don’t have a problem with getting into bed with the State.