I tweeted this little nugget the other day:
“If you’re gone, then be gone. Stay gone. I don’t have time for anything else.” – Me
I tweeted this because out of nowhere, my ex-girlfriend decided to text me. I haven’t texted with her in over 8 months and it’s been over 9 months since I last actually talked to her. The funny thing is, she texted me 9 months to the exact day from the last time that I talked to her.
I’m not going to go into the particulars of her text other than it felt like a “feeler.” Like she wanted to dip her toes in the water and test out the temperature. Maybe that’s what she is doing, maybe not. I do know that I had posted some videos and pictures to Instagram from The Village By The Lake that had been taken about a week before I posted them. I also happen to know that she follows me on Instagram.
According to her, she had been thinking about me lately. I guess seeing videos and pictures of someone from your past will do that.
I saw this little gem right before I started writing this particular post:
“If your ex texts you, it’s probably because she tried to replace you, but failed.” – @GotPickup
I wonder if there is any truth to that.
I’ve always wondered about this when an ex shows up back in my life. I’ve always wondered why. I only did that one time, and that was over 28 years ago. I had reached out to my “One,” and I had wanted her back. I recall her saying, “I’m sorry Rob, but that door is closed to you forever.” It crushed me then, but looking back on it with the eyes of wisdom, it was a good thing that we never did try again.
I’ve never really been good at “being friends” when a relationship ends. If I end it, I realize that I don’t want her in my life anymore and I don’t see any reason for staying in touch. In a great majority of the cases, I don’t hold any animosity or harbor any grudges or bad feelings, I just don’t see the point in staying in touch. As I see it, the only thing that we have in common is our past and I don’t see the point in strolling down memory lane.
If my partner ended the relationship, well I don’t see any point in staying in touch there either. The hard truth that you need to accept is that that person decided that they no longer want to be with you and have you in their lives to the degree that you were when you were together. As far as I’m concerned, if someone doesn’t want to be with me, I don’t want to be with them. Why would I want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with me?
I tried explaining this to my Mother many years ago and all she could say about it was that I “wasn’t a sentimental person.” Maybe that’s true to some degree. I don’t live in my past like a lot of people do, I would rather live in the present and look toward the future.
Here’s a short passage from Fuccfiles by Rian Stone:
While he is talking more specifically about guys being beta orbiters, the point still stands. I think he’s totally correct here. She doesn’t want you, she wants to know she could have you. Otherwise you would be together. Maybe that’s just another way of saying what was said earlier about she tried to replace you and most likely failed. I honestly don’t know.
“She didn’t want me, but she didn’t want me to be with anyone else.” – My Dad talking about my Mother after she died.
I still get a sick feeling in my stomach and those words still ring in my ears when I think about what my Father said to me the day after my Mother died.
In all of my years and all of my experiences with women over those years, that has to be the most brutal thing I have ever heard from another man. I still try to fathom why a guy would choose to stick around a woman who doesn’t want to be with him and I can’t wrap my head around it. I can understand if he knows that she doesn’t want him and he’s just biding his time to exit, like waiting for his children who are close to adulthood to finish growing up, and then he is out. I can understand that ulterior motive, but the “unrequited love” thing, I just don’t get it. I can’t comprehend it.
I’m not sure how many women read my blog, but I imagine that there are a couple of you out there who do. I’m going to say something that is going to be pretty unpopular:
Men and women can’t “just be friends.”
Actually they can, but only in two circumstances:
- There is no attraction from either party.
- Both of you are gay.
If there is attraction from one side, but not the other, there will be “unrequited love,” covert contracts, and ultimately conflict, confusion, and heartbreak. While I do believe that men and women can possibly be friends if there is no attraction from either party, I also believe that we are different enough when it comes to the goals, aspirations, and desires that we each have. Basically, if there is no mutual attraction, there isn’t enough “other things” there to keep a serious, stable friendship between a man and a woman. In short, you want a friend? Get a dog.
When I have said that I would like to “remain friends” with a woman after a relationship had ended, the truth was that I was looking not for a chance to “get back together,” but more for a chance at still having sex with that person. If sex wasn’t an option, then why bother being friends? It was the sex and intimacy that was the glue of the relationship and our interests were different enough that they wouldn’t carry us through as “just friends.”
Basically, I don’t give a shit about her interests unless I’m having sex with her or that there could be the possibility of me having sex with her. My interests are going to be unique enough that most women aren’t going to be into the same things that I am and that’s okay. If we aren’t having sex or the possibility of us having sex isn’t there though, why should I care about what she cares about?
This is why I don’t “remain friends” with women. I either know that sex isn’t a possibility or I don’t want it from her anymore, so why waste time talking about things that I don’t care about and she probably doesn’t care about either? Why waste either of our time?
No hard feelings, but if you are gone, then be gone and stay gone.