I have seen several “PUA” guys over the last couple of years go from getting the “+1” to deciding it wasn’t sustainable and eventually moving on to “settling down” with one woman. “Mystery” from the “Mystery Method” comes to mind. But there are several others of less notable reputation that I follow that are doing the same.
Guys in their 30’s and early 40’s.
All I can think is, “What the fuck?”
I’m closer to 51 than I am 50 now, as of this writing. I have no intentions of “settling down” again. I already did it when I was in my mid to late 30’s into my early 40’s. I was married and then I got divorced. I have had “LTR’s” (Long Term Relationships for those of you that don’t know the acronyms) and I have “played house.” Been there, done that. Don’t think I’ll be doing that any time in the near or far future again.
I wonder if the “PUA” guys have truly embraced their lifestyle. Have they truly embraced being a Hedonist? I don’t know, because I don’t know them personally, but I don’t think they have. I can’t imagine “settling down” again. I realize that there’s not a single woman on this planet who will “be everything for me.” It could be something huge like, fellatio. Or it could be something as simple as eating seafood.
Now mind you, I’m fully aware that she doesn’t “complete me.” I’m not looking for my “partner in crime, my soulmate, or my other half.” Looking outward for that is an exercise in futility. All of those things come from within.
But why should I compromise the things, the little things, the simple things that give me pleasure?
The short answer is I won’t.
I have already “compromised” and gave up the little pleasures in the past. Even something as small and easy as shellfish. I won’t do it again. Life is too short to give up on the little things. And at the end of the day, everything is the little things.
Will I be throwing “the baby out with the bathwater?” Possibly, but I don’t think so. That’s why I don’t want to date or have relationships with just one woman.
“Velvet,” whom I met about a month ago had some great questions for me:
“Do you compare the women you are seeing?”
Why would I do that? That’s apples to oranges. While AWALT is a real thing, at the same time, every woman I meet and end up seeing/dating/fucking brings their own unique perspectives and personalities to the table. Why would I compare them? If I did, I would cheating myself out of some great experiences and memories. I would be “throwing the baby out with the bathwater” on this one. So no, I don’t compare them.
“Do you hold back?”
No. I’m all in. I did the “hold back thing” years ago. Basically I was masturbating with another person’s body. I held back so that I didn’t “get hurt.” In the end, I was numb. And it sucked. It sucked more than the pain of heartache and heartbreak when a woman tells you that she has to move on. Or you tell her that you have to move on. So no, I don’t “hold back.” I’m all in. It can be tumultuous and it can hurt like hell, but it’s better than being numb by a long shot.
“Do you think you’ll change your mind about what you are doing?” (Seeing multiple people at the same time)
I’m open to it, but I don’t think I will. I like it. It has its drawbacks and there is some level of pain in it, but I can live with that. That’s the price of admission. The pros outweigh the cons for me. And, there’s always another woman.
So, is this “sustainable?” I don’t know honestly. So far it’s sustainable for me and I’m closer to 51 than not. I have no plans on changing my plans or my lifestyle any time soon.
It all comes back to a question that I asked a while ago:
What do you want, indeed? Most guys are terrified of their own shadows, let alone going after what they actually want. God forbid, it doesn’t work out the way you thought it would. God forbid, you suffer and experience some pain. God forbid.
Then again, when you truly “let go” and see what happens, that’s when you find that the world is yours. But you have to let go and go “down that rabbit hole.”