Do You Even “Like” Women? Part 2

woman sitting on bench
Got Your Fucking Attention, Didn’t I?

Larryzb commented on my post: Of course, the question arises: Do women even know how to love men these days? Have you taken that one up previously?

And I responded with: My experience recently is that they can and do, just not in ways that we as Men want or expect.

Now that I think about it, I haven’t taken this one up previously. So I’m going to give my two cents on it now.

My response is what I have seen, and yes, I’m ripping off Rollo. Why? Because he’s right. Women can’t love men the way we as men want them to. For a lot of years, most of my life even, I’ve wanted women to love me the way that I love them. Idealistically. Passionately. Even fatalistically. I wanted them to take a bullet for me. I wanted them to cry to me their undying love for me. I wanted them to kill themselves for me. Because at least for me, back in the day, I would have done all of that for them. And more.

Pathetic? Yes. Sad? Yes. Sad but true. And then I woke up.

Women will never be able to love us the way that we want them to. That doesn’t mean that they can’t love us. They can only love us how they love us. That’s a shitty answer, I know. It’s not what you want to hear, but it’s the truth. And I know that it’s a kind of circular answer too. They can only love us how they love us. Guys, I’m not a woman, and I can’t read their minds. I don’t know “how” they love us per se, only that they do.

For me, I’m big on affection. I like to touch and be touched. I’m sure there’s a “system,” or a book somewhere that will happily label whatever that means. Oh! Well Rob, that means you’re…

I don’t give a fuck. I just know that I like to touch and be touched. That’s one of the ways that I know that I’m being loved. When a woman fixes me a meal. That’s another way that I know she loves me. It shows me she cares and that she cares about my well-being. It really shows up when she takes the time to make something that I really like. It shows that she put thought into it.

Oh, and time. She may not have a fuckton of it, but if she makes it a point to spend time with me, that shows me that she loves me.

Of course, terms of endearment and words of affection are nice too. Calling me baby, is one. Calling me Daddy is even better, but that’s for another post at another time.

Sometimes when she either puts her head in my lap and puts her arms around my waist, or curls up on me, like a cat, that’s a good one. Even when she puts one or both of my legs to sleep.

Do women even know how to love these days? Yes, I believe so.

I see it in their eyes when they look at me. The sparkle, the shine, the shimmer. Whatever you want to call it.

I hear it in her voice when she answers the phone when I call her. All breathless and whatnot, like she just ran a marathon to grab the phone. And of course, she answered it on the first ring.

Sometimes she’ll send me YouTube videos of some sappy love song with a comment of, “Read the lyrics.”

Or she’ll just text me out of nowhere, “Thinking of You.” With the little kissy emojicons of course.

Or she’ll shave my head for me. Because that pleases me and I like that shit. Or she’ll shower with me and wash my back and the rest of my body. Or she’ll give me a full body massage, even though I know she’s dead tired from a long day at work. And she won’t even bitch, not once.

Or she’ll bring me a beer while we are sitting on the couch, watching a movie. Without me even asking her to do it. Or she’ll whip me up a mudslide.

Sometimes it shows up in her urgency to fuck the living shit out of me. Or the blowjobs. Goddamn..The blowjobs. But Rob! That’s not love! That’s lust! Fuck off, I don’t care.

There’s all sorts of ways that women love us men. It’s just not the way that we want or expect, or even hope for sometimes. She just does it her way, the only way that she knows how.

When we can let go of our expectations that they will love us the way that we love them, life gets interesting. You get to see that they can, and do, love us. You just have to drop the expectations and let them show and tell you in their own ways.

That’s all I’ve got for you on that one. I just know the one’s that show up in my world love me, in their own ways, even if it’s not what I wished for, hoped for, or expected. I guess I just roll with it and assume that they do. That’s enough for me at least.

I guess I could do worse. I could tell myself that they don’t love me, that they don’t know how to love me, and that they are incapable of loving me. But what good is that? Where’s that going to get me? Masochistic, I tell you.

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Let ‘Em Burn

bonfire during sunset
Enjoy The Decline.

I’m sitting here thinking about all the people I’ve met so far, all of the adventures that I have had. One of the recurring things that keep coming up, time and time again, is “how to save someone.”

The truth is, you can’t save them. Only they can save themselves. You have to let them burn. While I would like to save others, it’s not my job, nor is it appreciated for the most part. You can learn from other’s mistakes, but at the end of the day, it’s first hand experience that teaches best and teaches the most.

You see a guy about to do something really dumb when it comes to women? Let ’em burn. He’ll get the message eventually. Or maybe not. Maybe he’s going to make that same mistake over and over until the end of his days. Not your problem. Not my problem. Don’t get me wrong, once he falls on his ass and burns, if he’s willing to take my hand, I’ll help him up and dust him off, help him get going again. But he’s got to burn first. He’s got to feel that pain, that loss, that total sense of “I fucked up royally,” in order to get where he needs to go.

You see a woman about to do something that could potentially fuck her entire life up? Let her burn. I’m pretty sure it goes against our nature as Men to stand by and watch a woman flush her life, her looks, her health, and her beauty down the toilet, but you got to let her burn. It may be the only way to truly help her. She needs to understand that there’s consequences for her actions and her behaviors. “Saving her from herself” will only teach her that it’s okay to be irresponsible, and she’ll just keep doing the stupid shit that she’s doing and she’ll keep expecting that someone will bail her out. I’m pretty sure this is part of why we are where we are now in today’s world.

And speaking about our modern world, where we are now, you can’t save society from itself. I’m not trying to be cynical and “doom and gloom,” but do you really think you can save an entire society by yourself? Especially one that seems hell-bent on destroying itself? I’m not talking about giving up hope, downing a bunch of drugs and booze and ultimately slitting your wrists or putting a gun to your head, because fuck it, why the hell not? I’m talking about carving out a life for yourself and yours that works for you. In the past, under the worst conditions, under the most oppressive regimes, in the darkest of times, people carved out lives for themselves. They made it work with what they had. They had their moments, they had their joys. They thrived in their own ways.

That’s what Enjoy The Decline means. Carve out a life worth living for you and yours. Enjoy the moments, both big and little as they come. Laugh. Celebrate your achievements, all of them, big and small. Don’t worry about saving the world. The world was here before all of us and will be here long after we are all gone.

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I tweeted the picture above a little while ago. There’s two ways you can look at life. You can be sad and depressed that nobody gives a shit, or you can be happy and excited that nobody gives a shit. Either way, nobody gives a shit. I know which one I’m choosing.

I have a cat sitting on my lap while I’m typing this. He’s content, he’s full, and he’s purring. He doesn’t give a shit about society and the world at large. His whole world is 1208 square feet of a condominium. It’s all he knows. It’s all he cares about. That and when he’s getting his next meal. I can’t read his mind, and I don’t speak cat, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a shit what I’m typing about. I’m also pretty sure that he doesn’t give a shit about you since he’s never met you. He’s friendly enough that if you were ever to meet him, I’m pretty sure he would like you though, but until then, you don’t exist to him, and he doesn’t give a shit about that either way.

We as Men live in a time, where let’s face it, the gender war is over. We have already lost. And that’s okay. We lost that war a long time ago. For most of us, the war was already over before we were even born. We can choose to mope around, saying shit like, “we lost…” Or we can choose to say, “Fuck it! We lost! What do we want to do now?” We aren’t needed for the most part, we aren’t necessary for the most part, and for many people, both men and women alike, hell, we aren’t even wanted for the most part. And that’s okay too. We as men live in a time where we can travel the world without having to wear a military uniform in order to do it, we can come and go for the most part as we please. If you have even a modicum of muscle to your body and aren’t grossly out of shape, you can even go out and get laid with ease. Women are easy like that these days. The stigma of being a slut is gone, the stigma of being a single mother is gone, and women want to take on the “curse of man” and join him, and even replace him in the workplace, why not let them?

Guys, we are adaptable by nature. We adapt and improvise. We can adapt and overcome. It’s what we do. We are good at it if you think about it. We can adapt and improvise to this as well. Honestly we have been doing it already, maybe just not in ways that work the best for us. Time to change your mindsets about that. If we are unnecessary, what then, works for you? Do that. If you aren’t needed and you won’t be missed by many, why not do the things you always wanted to do? Go motorcycling. Go see the world. Go and flirt with the girls. If they aren’t interested, that’s okay, because in the end, nobody gives a shit, so you move on and keep going. Learn a new language because you can. We live a life of leisure when you really think about it, at least compared to days of the past.

Some will try and shame you. They’ll say, “you disgrace your ancestors.” I say, “my ancestors are dead. They aren’t watching what I’m doing. And if they are, they don’t give a shit, because nobody gave a shit back then either.” I don’t know about your ancestors, but my most recent ones, the one’s that were alive when I was young, all they cared about when it concerned me, was that I was healthy and happy. I’m both. So I’m doing just fine by their standards. And the one’s that came way before me? I didn’t exist during their time. They didn’t know me and they didn’t know of me. I guarantee that they didn’t give a shit. So why should I give a shit?

If you want to wring your hands and clutch your pearls about society, that’s okay by me. You do you. I’ll let you burn. All the shaming and self flagellation isn’t going to change the world, just in case you were wondering. But hey, once you are done doing that, I’ll help you up, dust you off, and maybe we can drink a beer and enjoy the decline.

And if you are a woman, maybe when you stop shaving the side of your head, stop dying your hair multiple colors, you decide to shave your pits and your legs, and you lose a bit of weight, I’ll tease you for being the silly girl that you’ve always been, and we’ll drink a beer and enjoy the decline. Or you can keep railing against “the patriarchy,” you can focus on your corporate career (which no one gives a shit about except you, even your corporate masters don’t give a shit about you, you’re just another cog in the machine, trust me, I know) and you can keep telling yourself that your education and your things that you buy are more important than the people in your life. It’s okay, I’ll let you burn. Maybe you’ll figure it out in time, maybe not. Either way, nobody gives a shit. Not really. And that’s okay.

Enjoy the Decline.

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Life Coaches And Relationship Experts

man and woman doing yoga
Naval Gazing. That’s what you will get from a “life coach.” If you are lucky.

There’s a lot of things that have irritated me throughout my life, but the one that pisses me off the most, hands down, is the so-called “life coach.” The only thing that is worse than a “life coach,” is a “life coach and relationship expert.”

What pisses me off so bad about these people you ask? Why I’m glad you mentioned it! Let’s get right down to it shall we?

First off, there are zero (zilch, nada, 0, none, no) requirements to become a “life coach.” You don’t have to have any specialized knowledge. You don’t have to have any certification. You don’t have to have any licensing. You don’t have to have anything at all actually. All you do have to have, is to say, “Hey guys! I’m a fucking life coach!” That’s it. That’s all you need. Just say that you’re a “life coach,” and guess what?! You’re a life coach. Did you know that convicted felons can be “life coaches?” That’s how low the bar is. Last I checked, the only thing that a convicted felon was good at, was getting caught. They can’t legally own firearms or vote in the United States of America, but they can be “life coaches.” Keep that in mind if and when you are out “shopping” for a “life coach.”

Now in my own personal, first hand experience, I have yet to meet someone who claims that they are a life coach, that are actually doing better than me. Without exception, every life coach I have personally met, their lives are steaming piles of dogshit on top of a trainwreck. And I’ve met quite a few life coaches over the last few years. None of them are worth the business cards that they are handing out like candy. Not a single one of them.

Second thing about life coaches that bugs the shit out of me:

Who are they to tell you how to live your life? They aren’t you. They don’t have your experiences, they don’t live your life, they don’t have your skills, and trust me, the only skill I’ve encountered that they do have is the ability to bullshit themselves and you if you aren’t careful. Being a “life coach” is such a broad, vague, and nebulous thing. Think about it. Supposedly these people are claiming that they have the solutions to most, if not all, of your problems. I mean, they are “life coaches” right? So they are going to “coach” you on life! What makes them so fucking special? Seriously.

Would you ask a mechanic that doesn’t play basketball, how to play basketball? Would you ask a plumber how to code? Would you ask your grandmother how to drive a race car? I’ll bet you wouldn’t. Asking a “life coach” about anything is pretty much tantamount to what I just mentioned. If you wouldn’t ask your grandmother how to fly an airplane or how to shoot hoops, why would you ask a “life coach” how to do those things? Trust me, they don’t know how to do those things either. If they did, they would be shooting hoops professionally, flying airplanes, or driving race cars, not giving out “life advice.”

Does your life suck so bad that you are actually considering asking a “life coach” for advice? You’re better off going and getting a “psychic” reading for all it will help. You’ll get about the same advice, and probably a lot cheaper than what a “life coach” is offering you. In fact, the only thing you’re going to get out of a “life coach” is a lighter wallet. That’s it.

What’s the difference between an expert and a “life coach?”

An expert knows a very specific area, job, or skill very well. An NBA basketball player could probably teach you a thing or two about basketball. A computer programmer could probably teach you a thing or two about computers and possibly coding. But a “life coach?” You’ve got to be kidding me. “Life coaches” are people who don’t want to actually go out and get a job and do any real sort of work. They would rather tell you what to do instead of doing it themselves.

Now let’s talk about “relationship experts.”

These people are “life coaches” masquerading as if they know relationships well. Now, to give them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they do. Maybe they have been in a relationship for years and years on end. They probably know a thing or two. Problem is, your relationships, or lack thereof, isn’t going to be their relationships. They aren’t you. Their partner isn’t your partner. What has worked for them, may not in fact, work for you. Tread carefully here, your love life, or future love life may depend on it.

Would you trust the advice of someone who is currently single, but will tell you that they are a “relationship expert?” Who would you trust more, your grandparents that have been married for 50 years, or some person off of the internet that bounces from one relationship to the next?

This one is directed specifically to the Men out there:

The worst thing you could possibly do is go to a woman “relationship expert.” Don’t do it. For the love of your future children, your future wife, girlfriend, significant other, just don’t fucking do it. You’ll end up a beta orbiter at best. At best. At worst, you’ll end up pissed off, broke, confused, and bitter. Oh and alone. You want to know how to get good with women? Go find a man who is good with women, and talk to him.

This one is directed specifically to the Women out there:

I know you mean well. Truly I do. But if you love Men, truly love, adore, and cherish them, stop giving them advice on how to get women. Stop giving them advice on how to be a man. You are not a Man. You have never been one. You will never, and I mean never, be one. Just like we Men have no idea what it’s like to be a woman, you have no idea, and you never will, what it’s like to be a Man. So knock it off. I know you come with good intentions, but the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Stop it. Why don’t you focus on working on you and on becoming the best woman you can be, and let us Men figure our own shit out?

Guys, we have sat at the knee of women for most of our lives. First it was our Mother’s, sisters, cousin’s, and aunt’s. Then we sat at the knee of our female teachers from K through 12. Then many of us sat at the knee of our female professors during college. And then we sat at the knees of our wives and girlfriends. It’s time for us to figure our shit out. Maybe the absolute last thing we need to hear from is another woman? Ladies, we love you and we got this. Thanks for your concern and your caring, truly. But we got this.

To wrap this up:

Realize that anytime you see or hear the words “life coach,” you are dealing with someone who has no credentials, no required licensing, probably no degrees, and even if they do, so what? I have a degree. A BS in fact. Do you know what BS stands for. BullShit. Do you know what an MS degree is? More Shit. And can you guess what PHD stands for? Piled Higher and Deeper. That was actually a quote from a professor that I had when I was in college back in the early 90’s.

Your life experiences are your own. Are you willing to hand over your money, time, and trust to someone that doesn’t really know you? Someone that hasn’t actually walked in your shoes? Someone that isn’t and wouldn’t be held legally responsible for giving you bad, or inaccurate information? Because that’s the thing with “life coaches” and “relationship experts,” you won’t necessarily be able to hold them legally accountable in the event that you take their advice and fuck your life up even worse than it already is.

I wouldn’t dream of telling you what to do, or how to live your life. I’m not you. I don’t have your experiences and the last time I checked, you aren’t me, so you don’t have mine. Chances are, you already know what you need to do. So just do it. Don’t bother wasting your time and your money on a “life coach.”

You want to learn specific skills? Fine. Go find someone that actually knows those skills and can show them to you on demand. That’s an expert. A “life coach?” Tell them to go pound sand.

 

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