The State Of Men Today: An Observation

man in the middle of the road

I was at a convenience store the other day, buying some fuel for the work truck (the fuel card reader at the pump was down so I had to go inside to pay) and I noticed that the majority of the people who were patronizing the store were men.

This was the first time I’ve stepped into a convenience store in some time and I was saddened by what I saw. The men in this store, and there was about 20 or so of them, were utterly lost.

They had this vacancy in their eyes. Now maybe part of it was the fact that it was 7:30 in the morning. Maybe these guys hadn’t had their morning coffee yet. I doubt it though. They seemed “awake” enough. They could pay for their coffee, their breakfast whatever, their smokes, and their fuel.

They were utterly lost. They looked it. Lifeless eyes. Confused. Like they didn’t know what they were doing there, or how they had gotten there.

I’ve noticed this same confusion and vacancy elsewhere too. I’ve seen it while out on route, all throughout the day. Guys just sort of shuffling around, wandering, waiting. Waiting for what though?

In some cases, some of these guys were waiting for their women to tell them what to do. I saw that as well. Women running the show. Women leading the men around. Women catering to these men like they were either small children or invalids. Guys who have these confused looks on their faces, their eyes dull. “Dance for me puppet, dance. Be a good little boy and you’ll get a new toy.”

Until their women compliment them or “give them a treat.” Then the guy’s face gets animated, his eyes light up. He seems somewhat alive, for a moment at least.

I saw a guy today in a woman’s care facility holding the baby and the baby carrier, being a good boy. He still looked lost. His smile didn’t mask his confusion, “How the fuck did I get here?”

And not just how did he get “here,” as in the facility, but how did he get “here,” as in his life?

How did they get like this? I’m pondering this as I write about it. How indeed did “we” get here, as a group?

What happened?

This is the “matrix” that we all allude to when we talk about the Red Pill. This is the world we inhabit, but don’t necessarily live in.

What a sad state of affairs. What a state that we as a whole, live in.

I pity these guys somewhat. Maybe I sound like an asshole when I say that, but I do. I do pity them. I’m not trying to sound holier than thou, believe me.

I do feel some compassion for them as well. Unplugging is hard to do and is near impossible until you are ready and willing to do it.

Most of these men are not only lost souls, but they are truly lost, at least until the time comes, if the time comes, that they want to unplug.

It seems to me that years ago, we as men were lost, just the same as today, but there is a difference that I’m noticing now. “Back in the day,” men were lost, but many of them seemed genuinely happy in their lost state. Full of ignorant bliss I guess.

Nowadays, more often than not, that blissful ignorance is gone. It’s like they know something is wrong, dreadfully wrong, but they don’t know just what it is. Something is off. You can see it in their eyes and in their faces. The happiness is gone and all that is left is confusion, sadness, a questioning glance here and there, and a look of terror.

Lost Boys indeed.

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You Dodged A Bullet

ammunition brass bullets cartridges

It’s been a little over a month since my ex-girlfriend moved out. I’ll be completely honest, I miss her terribly sometimes. I miss what we could have had, and what we did have. I miss her company. I miss seeing her smiling face and hearing her laugh. I miss her body. I miss having her lying next to me in bed at night and waking up to see her in the morning.

Maybe I have a small touch of Oneitis. I wouldn’t doubt that. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have any delusions that she was ever my “soulmate.” I don’t have the scarcity mentality that “I’ll never love again.” But every once in a while, damn, I sure do miss her.

She was the youngest, most fit, and most attractive woman that I’ve had so far in my life. She put the past women to shame. There will be other women, I know this. But at this moment that I’m typing this, it doesn’t seem like it. It doesn’t seem like there will be another “younger, hotter, tighter.” There will be, I know it. It just doesn’t seem like that right now. I’ll get there though.

Here’s something I did think about though:

Maybe I dodged a bullet. You see, my ex-gf snowballed me when we broke up. I really had no idea that it was coming. Maybe us breaking up was a good thing.

A couple of months before we broke up, we had talked about a future where there would have been marriage and most likely some children. I’m old enough at this point that I was good with the idea that I would never be a father, but then we talked about it, seriously. I realized that not only was the idea okay, it actually appealed to me. I got excited about the idea of being a father. I got excited about the idea of raising children and being called “Dad.”

Now that’s not going to happen. At least not with her anyways. Perhaps it won’t happen at all. I don’t know how I feel about that.

Maybe I dodged a bullet because we could have gotten married and had children and she could have snowballed me then, and either left me raising children by myself, or even worse, she could have gotten custody of my children and then I’m left doing what a lot of Men are doing these days: Working themselves into an early grave to provide for their children that they don’t get to see as often as they would like to. Having another man raising and/or influencing their children in ways that may not be how he, as the father, would want his children raised. Paying alimony.

I could sit here and lament the relationship that ended. I could lament how it didn’t work out the way that I had hoped it would. I could pine over her. I could torture myself in a thousand different ways by playing the “coulda, woulda, shoulda” game. I could go over all of this for the millionth time in my head and try to wrap myself around it. And still come up short on answers that satisfy me.

Or I could look at it as I dodged a bullet. Better now that all of the things that happened, happened. Better now that they happened rather than 5 years down the road. Better they happened before we ever talked about setting a wedding date and started actually having children.

If you are a Man and you’re reading this right now, and you’re dealing with a divorce, a break up, a loss of a relationship, maybe you too, dodged a bullet.

 

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You Don’t Really Know Her, And You Never Will.

afterglow backlit bokeh dark

Here’s another truth that I’ve had to swallow that has been a bitter pill:

You can be with someone for a long time, months, years, even decades, and you will never really know them.

You will think that you know them, and I’m sure that is part of the idealism that lives inside of Men. You think you know your wife, your girlfriend, your significant other, whatever title, name or term of affection that you want to give her or call her.

But you will never really know her. Not truly.

Swallow that pill. Choke it down.

You will never really know her.

In all fairness, she will probably never really know you either. But if you are like most Men out there, you will take many opportunities to show her who you are, to invite her into your world and to get to know you better. To know who you really are.

Do not expect the same courtesy in return. She will always hold something back. I’m not saying this from a place of anger or bitterness, I’m just speaking from my own personal experience.

After every relationship I’ve had that has ended, I end up seeing more of who that woman really was.

Sometimes it’s not pretty. Sometimes it’s okay. Either way it is what it is.

I wrote a while back about a bitter red pill that I had to swallow. Check it out if you haven’t already. It’s a good place to start. This one would be the next one that I have encountered that has been really hard to get down my throat.

I don’t blame the women that have been in my life and are now gone for this lack of knowing them. It’s not their fault for the most part. It’s mine.

Goddamn, unplugging is a bitch. You go along, thinking you’ve unplugged and then something hits you. Sometimes it even blind sides you. That’s where you realize that you haven’t unplugged as much as you thought you had. That’s when you realize you are still a long way off and that you still have a lot of work to do.

Rollo Tomassi wrote about this to a degree a few years ago in an article that he called, “Kill The Beta.” I imagine to some degree this was what he was talking about.

I don’t know why this one is bothering me so bad right now, except that it shatters an illusion that I once had and cherished. That illusion was that I knew the woman I was with, that I really knew her.

Knowing now that I didn’t really know her, it’s sad to me. It’s sad because now I know more about her and what she is actually capable of. Which means that she is truly capable of anything.

In the past if you asked me if she was capable of “X,” I would have told you no way, not in a million years.

Now if you asked me if she was or is capable of “X,” I would have to say that “X” is totally possible. She could do it. Doesn’t mean she would, but she could.

That opens up a whole world of uncertainty for me. That uncertainty makes me uncomfortable. If she is capable of say, lying, cheating, deceiving, stealing, and even taking a life, it means that I don’t really know her and I cannot trust her.

I take that back. I can trust her to be her. Someone who is capable of anything. Even theft and murder.

The question that keeps haunting me is this:

Knowing that a woman is truly capable of anything and could turn on you for no reason at all, how do you trust them? How can you live with them? How can you spend time, any significant amount of time with them?

I don’t want to go through the rest of my life not being able to trust a woman. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life realizing that a woman is truly capable of anything and everything.

I don’t want to spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder and sleeping with one eye open, wondering when, not if, she’s going to go feral on me and pull whatever shit she’s going to pull.

How do you overcome that? Or do you?

Is it simply throwing your hands up in the air and giving up? Is it submitting to the fact that All Women Are Like That? How can you be with someone that you can’t trust? Or that you can trust that she will do what she’s going to do and that she will go feral at some point and betray your trust, betray you?

I can already hear some women that might read this saying, “Not all women are like that!” To which I would answer them, “Prove it. Your words don’t count for shit with me. You’re going to have to show me that I can trust you, your words don’t count.”

I understand why some Men decide to go MGTOW now. It makes more sense. Sometimes it seems to me that it would be a much easier life not dealing with women. If I want female companionship I can always hire a professional and be done with it. At least with her, I know what I’m paying for and what I’m getting. I can see why some guys do this.

Maybe I’m just zeroed out emotionally at this point when it comes to the idea of dating and dealing with women. Right now I don’t feel like it’s worth the hassle to get to know someone only to know that I’ll never really know them and that I can only trust them about as far as I can throw them. It sucks knowing that the only thing I know for certain is that I can trust her to be her and that means that I can trust that she is capable of anything at any time. I can trust that she can go feral at any point for any reason or no reason whatsoever.

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