The Struggle Is Real

man looking at the mirror in holding his face

And ultimately, nobody gives a shit about your struggles except you.

Life is a struggle, always has been, always will be. We look for meaning in our struggles, we look for why we struggle. In short, we look for answers.

Here’s the thing though:

Life is a struggle and sometimes, most of the time, it’s completely random. The universe isn’t “punishing you” for past crimes and digressions. There isn’t a being or a deity “out there” that’s keeping tabs on your thoughts and doings and then acting accordingly.

The universe, as far as I know, isn’t beneficient or malevolent. As far as I know, it’s not even sentient. It just IS. It’s completely indifferent to you, me, and any and all of our suffering. So why bang on about your suffering? Why carry on talking about something that only you care about?

Life is a struggle and it’s random most of the time and in many cases, it’s unavoidable. It’s as certain as the sun rising in the east and setting in the west. It’s the wet to water. It just is. Why dwell on it and carry on about it? Nobody gives a shit.

If our lives are a struggle, why not look for the pleasure that can be found instead? Why not look for those little moments of joy? Why waste your precious time worrying and bemoaning your struggle?

I know you have your struggles and your problems, but let me tell you about mine…

Nobody gives a shit about your struggles except you. The sooner you can come to accept this, the sooner you struggle less and life gets better. It doesn’t necessarily get easier, but it gets better.

You get to struggle for most of your life and it never ends. You don’t get to sleep, you only get to rest occasionally and god forbid you let your guard down, because if and when you do, some asshole will come along and take everything away that you worked so hard to attain and achieve.

You know what? Maybe that’s all true, but it sounds absolutely exhausting to me. If that’s the case, why even bother?

Gotta struggle, gotta hustle, gotta make that fucking money. Why? And for what? What is the end goal of it all for you? Why are you doing anything?

The only thing more boring to me than traditional conservatives banging on about “Saving the West” and how “As a Man,” you should be a better provider and plow horse, is guys banging on about “The Struggle.”

Nobody gives a shit about your struggles except you. Want to dry up the pussy? Talk about virtues, politics, religion, and “the struggle.” See how fast you’re not going to get laid.

You can’t avoid the struggle because all of life is a struggle, so burying your head in the sand is futile. But so is yammering on about it and complaining about it. Might as well accept it and then move the fuck on and get down to the business of enjoying life.

Look for the pleasures that life has to offer, because there are so many of them out there that you will never have enough time in your lifetime to enjoy them all. Can’t find the pleasures? Bullshit. You’re not looking hard enough. Still can’t find the pleasures? Then create them for yourself.

The sooner that you realize that all of life is a struggle, which is often random and meaningless, and that nobody cares about your struggles except you, the sooner you can get down to the business of actually enjoying your life. And it doesn’t have to cost a lot of money, or even time. In most cases, you can find the pleasure in things that are completely free and only take a moment out of your day.

Get up early and go watch a sunrise. I did that right before I sat down and wrote this blog post. I woke up, went outside with a cup of hot chocolate and just sat and watched the sunrise. It didn’t cost me anything to do it and it only took about 10 minutes out of my day. It was pleasurable as hell to just sit there, do absolutely nothing, and watch the sunrise. Now I’m ready to carry on with the rest of my day. If I think about it, maybe I’ll watch the sunset this evening. Take another 10 minutes out of my day and do nothing but watch. Maybe I’ll add a cigar and a drink in there for some extra pleasure. Who knows.

Nobody cares about your struggles except you.

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Asceticism

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The definition of asceticism according to Webster:

Definition of asceticism

1the practice of strict self-denial as a measure of personal and especially spiritual discipline the condition, practice, or mode of life of an ascetic rigorous abstention from self-indulgence
//Sacrifice, renunciation, asceticism, fasting, returning again to God … : these are inclinations fueled as much by instinct as by religious idealism.— Joyce Carol Oates

 

A lot of guys are making the argument for asceticism recently. Whether it be “abstaining” from sex and/or masturbation, abstaining from alcohol and/or drugs, abstaining from different types of foods, or a myriad of other off-the-wall ideas, the concept of not doing is becoming popular again.

I’m not going to take issue with anyone if you are choosing to not drink or drug. Maybe you’ve gone that route and found out how easy it was for you to get hooked on a substance or two. Maybe the substance became too much for you and it became self-destructive, I don’t know.

Trying to toot your own horn and making it a lifestyle is a bit much to me though. “Look at me! I’m not having sex! I’m not drinking! I’m not eating (insert whatever it is here.) To me it looks like a participation trophy. “I get an award for not beating off.”

You want to not jerk off? That’s fine by me, go and not jerk off. You don’t need to announce it to the world. Whoopity-do.

The problem for me, besides the whole participation trophy thing, is the fact that almost inevitably, the religious card shows up in the program.

“I don’t jerk off anymore and I can show you how you too can give up touching your penis. Here’s my course and my book, sign up now! Oh, and did you know about our Lord and Savior (insert religious figure here)?”

I find asceticism to be absurd honestly. Life is short and there is so much to see, to do, and to experience, and you’ll never get to or through it all by the time you die. I can’t understand why you would willingly choose to abstain from all of what life has to offer.

Before someone brings it up in the comments, yes, I’m aware that not all people who abstain are doing it out of choice. Some people aren’t doing this voluntarily (incel). You know what though? If you put in the work, it won’t be involuntary anymore.

I think that choosing asceticism is coming from a lack of experience with life, but that’s just my take.

Throughout my life I’ve learned a lot of things about myself and about women in particular. Here are some of the things, both good and bad that I have learned:

Women are okay with one-night stands, sometimes it’s all they want.

Women are open about their sexuality as long as you don’t judge them for it.

Women don’t care about your “notch count” nearly as much as you care about theirs.

Women in general want a man with experience, they don’t want to train you. You either get it, or you don’t. Guys who don’t get it don’t get another shot.

Younger women like older men. This one may seem like a “duh” thing, but it was one that I had to experience first-hand to truly comprehend it and appreciate it. Guys have been so thoroughly conditioned and brain-washed to believe that you should stick to your own age group that the thought of being with someone who is much younger than you isn’t even a consideration.

I’ve learned that love doesn’t pay the bills. I’ve been with a couple of women that thought that loving me and having sex with me was enough. It’s not. What else are you bringing to the table besides sex and love? Can you contribute something more tangible or not?

Women will usually go along with whatever you want to do. Keep or make it fun and entertaining and the sky is the limit. This is one that I’m still learning about. I have yet to find something where the women in my life have had a hard “no” to, unless it is maybe something that is completely criminal. Even then… I’m still pushing that boundary to see where that one ends.

I’ve learned that being the “side guy” is oftentimes better than being the “main guy.” Love it or hate it, I’ve been the side guy who enjoyed the benefits of that relationship without the bullshit that the main guy gets to deal with. I’ve also learned that women can be incredibly brutal towards their main guy. The things I’ve heard women say about their main guy is sometimes astonishing.

You can date a woman, be totally honest with her about the relationship not working out for you, end that relationship, and still be friends with benefits for years afterwards. If and when that particular set up no longer works for her, she will end it, usually without a lot of drama or fanfare.

She usually wants sex harder and rougher than you could imagine. Don’t worry, you won’t “break” her. She’s tougher and more resilient than you know. If you get too rough somehow, she’ll let you know.

The more experience you get, the more you realize that “all women are really like that.” That’s not a negative or a bad thing, it just is. It has actually given me a better understanding of myself and what I like and want, and it has given me a better understanding of the women that show up in my life, and the things that they want and desire. It’s definitely made it easier to communicate those things as well.

For me, choosing or following a path of asceticism or abstinence is following a path of either naivety or willful ignorance. Life is far too beautiful, too lush, too brilliant, and too robust to choose not to know.

To me, asceticism is choosing to suffer. We all suffer to one degree or another. Life is like that, it’s just that way. To choose suffering over pleasure is the ultimate form of masochism to me and I honestly have a hard time wrapping my head around that one, because here’s a “truth” for you:

No one gives a shit about your struggles except you. No one cares about your suffering except you.

So why struggle and suffer unnecessarily and for no reason other than to say that you struggle and suffer? Nobody gives a shit, and you won’t be a martyr for it. You’ll be forgotten an hour after your funeral because life goes on. Might as well enjoy your life and experience as much of it as possible.

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Hedonist

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Matt wrote a great post the other day about getting his tastebuds back. It’s a great post, do him and me a solid and go check it out.

I’m many things in life, there is no one thing that defines me in totality. I’m educated both in the classical, classroom, book sense, and I’m also educated from the school of hard knocks. I’m a Man first and many other things second, third, and so on.

One thing I am is a Hedonist.

Hedonism is a school of thought that argues seeking pleasure and avoiding suffering are the only components of well-being.[1]

I understand that there are periods of time in life where things don’t go the way that you want and that makes us uncomfortable and to even suffer. I accept that and I deal with it when it comes, maybe that’s also the inner stoic in me, but mostly I want and strive to either get back to pleasure, or to pursue pleasure in its myriad of forms.

Pleasure isn’t just about sex, although it’s one of my most favorite forms of pleasure. Eating food is another pleasure as well as a means of survival. Eating foods that many would consider “bad for you” is also one of my favorite things to do. Life is too short to not eat the good food. Life is too short to not drink the good drinks, and that includes alcohol for me.

I take great pleasure in writing and so I write. I take great pleasure in the sound of my own voice and so I run my mouth constantly. I take pleasure in being on camera and so I have my YouTube channel as well as being on other people’s shows.

hedonism

Many people online and in real life choose to “struggle” and “resist” so-called “temptation.” I understand this although I consider it somewhat masochistic to do so, but then again, masochists are known for taking pleasure in their own suffering. Perhaps people who choose to not drink and to not eat all the decadent foods gain pleasure from not doing so. Maybe they take pleasure in making necessity a virtue. Maybe they take pleasure in virtue itself. If it doesn’t fill my belly, alter my mind in some form, or empty my ball sac, I’m generally not interested.

Take a couple of ice cold beers, some delicious, greasy bacon and add a highly stimulating conversation to the mix and I’m on cloud nine. That’s what happened when Matt showed up and we talked about damn near everything under the sun and then some. It was a great time and it was a truly pleasurable moment for me. 10/10 I would do it again.

When I was younger, I took more pleasure in the things I abstained from, or at least that was what I was told to do. That’s the key here. It was what I was told to do. This was me living someone else’s life and doing as they wished. It wasn’t me living my life and doing what I wanted.

When I decided to try out different foods, drinks, clothes, and yes, women, I realized that I was happy. I was happy being me because I was doing what I wanted to do. Not everybody liked what I had become, not everybody liked the choices that I have made. That’s okay, they don’t have to. It’s my life, my choice.

I find seeking pleasure in all of its forms far more interesting and far more gratifying than abstaining from those pleasures. I would rather partake than not. I believe that we have only this one life and so I might as well enjoy it as much as possible.

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I don’t expect anyone to follow me down this road because we all get to choose our own paths in life. Just don’t tell me about the virtues of abstinence because I’ve already been down that road. It’s not for me. For those of you who haven’t indulged yourselves, my question to you is this: Why not?

We could all die tomorrow in a variety of ways in a variety of pain. The truth is that we all die sooner or later because it’s unavoidable and it’s inevitable. I would rather die sooner while enjoying my life and experiencing as much as possible with a ton of intensity than die 50 years from now in my bed or from falling down a flight of stairs, scared silly of the grim reaper. The reaper comes for us all eventually.

Who really wants to live forever?

Abstaining wasn’t just what I was told, it was what I was told to fear. “Don’t do that! You’ll get a disease!” “Don’t go there! You’ll get in trouble!” “Don’t say those things! You’ll offend someone!” Yeah, none of those things have happened to me so far, and if they do, I’ll deal with them when they happen.

The two great motivators in life are pleasure and pain. We all have both to one degree or another. Most people are motivated to move away from pain. We are motivated more by what we stand to lose than what we stand to gain. Which one motivates you more? Pleasure? Or pain?

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Indeed.

Most of the people who cry “Moderation in Everything!” have never truly gone down the road to excess. Most of them haven’t done anything to excess except to say that everything should be done in moderation. Think about that for a moment. How do you even know what excess is unless you’ve actually experienced it? It’s amazing what we can do when we push ourselves enough. This includes experiencing pleasure in all of its forms.

It’s okay if you want to talk about the virtues of being virtuous. It’s okay if you want to abstain. Do it long enough and you will have truly never lived and that’s okay too. That’s your life.

I’ll be eyeballs deep in it though, right up to my brow. I’ll be in it so deep that I’ll set every nerve ending in my body on fire.

Life is beautiful and it is absurd. Life has no inherent meaning to it. The only meaning that life has is what you give to it. I choose pleasure. The meaning of life to me is to experience as much pleasure as I can in the time that I can. Life is pleasure. Pleasure for the sake of pleasure.

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